Lee’s journey: from the First Time…. to Spiderweb

Every walk needs a rest stop (even a walk through SMK).. so I thought it was a good time to pause and ponder the development of the Lee Stetson character up to mid season 2..
I’m just a fellow fan.. who’s sharing their thoughts – so while I hope you will be open to hearing them- I hope you will also feel free to agree, disagree, and share some ideas of your own- if you like! As always- If you’re a regular visitor here and would love to write a blog post of your own – I would be honoured to publish it for you Smile just email me on
Would someone like to have a go at Amanda’s journey?? It doesn’t always have to be my opinion you hear! Smile

This is not comprehensive, but I’ve tried to form a coherent story.. and stick to the main points – so if there’s anything you’d like to add that was significant to you- please share it!! Hopefully these thoughts are not too rambling..  Here’s my thoughts on Lee’s journey up to Spiderweb.. (Season 2, episode 13)
As I mentioned in Ship of Spies – For me, Lee’s progress towards a loving relationship with Amanda has multiple facets which he works through over time..
1)- How Lee views Amanda,
2)- How Lee views himself,
3)- How Lee views marriage, relationships and family.

Let’s start with Lee’s background.. The show starts with Lee very much the lone wolf. His parents died when he was four and he was raised by an emotionally distant and somewhat dysfunctional uncle (A Relative Situation) who shifted him from army base to army base- making it very difficult for Lee to have a home and make connections.. Lee was also thrown out of many colleges, Francine says in Sudden Death.. Lee was always on the move! [Just like a rolling stone!!- haaa had to squeeze in a Bob Dylan reference somewhere 😉 ]

We learn in ACM Kid while Lee is talking to the annoying Alexi, that Lee was only a pretend tough guy..
18Lee:  Yeah, well, I was a tough guy too. I had to be tough, so no one would
20know that I was really scared…. I lost my parents when I was four and got raised in a hundred different army bases by an uncle that didn’t even like me…
It seems Lee had loving parents, but since their death in his early childhood, Lee hasn’t experienced what it is like to be known well, truly accepted and liked -loved even- for who he is:  Lee has trouble forming permanent, intimate attachments.

86 Amanda!!He works alone.. he plays the field with women.. He doesn’t want 87 i hadn't noticedto go to Amanda’s for thanksgiving! (the first 88 lee half waves goodbyetime) Winking smile And.. he probably does go to bars to pick up women- precisely because you won’t meet a nice girl there!(the first time) Winking smile  He has spent years filling up those little black books with girl’s names – none of whom know the real Lee (many think he is an astronaut Winking smile ) as we learn in We’re off to see the Wizard.

Lee has a deep need to connect with someone, and to have that unconditional love and acceptance… only he can’t trust anyone.. and no one seems to know him.. Lee is a little lost!

36His attachment issues are combined with a romantic, passionate personality. We learn in 159Lost and Found, that Lee had wanted to marry Eva when he was younger.. it 157had been a whirlwind romantic relationship- though I hesitate to call it ‘love’ he surely thought that was what it was..though IMHO till he meets Amanda- he doesn’t really know what that is!! He and Eva waltzed together on the banks of the canals in Venice, 170in the rain! ugh..!  Lee thought it was forever. But.. he got his heart broken when she married someone else- so he put those fantasies and his romantic nature behind him, and took on the persona of a plaayboy – playing the field and protecting his heart.. [Not sure about Dorothy, but we’ll get to her in We’re off to see the wizard! ] I wonder if Scarecrow the superspy is just another version of this same persona.. unflinching.. tough.. untouchable..
When we met Lee, he was lonely, troubled and his heart was dormant- almost extinct! Then…. along came Amanda – and slowly: his heart begins to stir back to life again!

So moving on to.. How Lee views Amanda…
S1E01_FirstTime.flv_000274232In the First time, Amanda was useful to him- he was desperate!!! Smile

(‘Just walk with me’!)
13 we were not on  a caseTo him she ‘was the case’! [as he says in There goes the Neighbourhood!],
then.. she was useful for his work… [There goes the Neighbourhood, Magic Bus,
115 lee thinks of amandaACM Kid..] and Lee begrudgingly noticed her.. but his early view of Amanda was dominated by her role of being a housewife, the mother of two small boys with a station wagon. Plus maybe a quiet enjoyment of the hero worship Amanda tended towards in the early episodes Winking smile good for Lee’s ego! but.. not a potential romantic partner at all!

45He had a moment of temporary insanity when he enjoyed kissing her [Sudden Death] which was rattling, but he was able to put it out of his mind fine. [No need to clarify what that kiss meant in the tag! Winking smile ]
197Then, Lee started to see Amanda as a person, not just someone who can help him on a case in Service Above and Beyond and Saved 112by the bells.

I think this is when the sleeping dragon awoke.  Lee began to feel intense protectiveness towards Amanda.. IMHO this can partly be put down to the fact that she is the mother of two small boys – something that touches Lee very personally- given his history. It gets through his emotional defences: the last thing he wants is another little boy orphaned. Yeaaaahhhhh…
61That.. and I think from the start Lee was attracted to her but he could not recognise this 84in himself and it kept growing! Smile  He didn’t have to close his eyes as he danced with Amanda 😉
In service above and beyond – he sounded jealous – but he genuinely believed he wasn’t!! Same with the Mole. He didn’t 101want to sound like he was jealous because in his opinion: he wasn’t! (of course we know better – he was! but he was so oblivious- poor Lee!)

44Lee also thought though, that Amanda was not exotic or mysterious or attractive to men! [Service Above and Beyond again!]
165She’s not the type for an affair [Filming Raul and Affair at Bromfield Hall.]

2.08 AFFAIR AT BROMFIELD HALL.avi_001177110Amanda is not suppose to have affairs! She’s the mother of two small boys! Men aren’t suppose to find her attractive- and neither is Lee! [Volkenauer in Our man in Tegernsee was not suppose to ask Amanda out!]

And now, let’s consider how Lee has viewed Marriage and relationships (We’ll come back to his view of Amanda!). Normal, family relationships are completely foreign to Lee,  Remembrance of things past mentions this! Smile  Amanda comments on Lee pretending to be dead and not being able to go out to nightclubs..
Amanda: this is probably very healthy for you. Yep no really! Real people do not go to restaurants and 157nightclubs every night. They stay home and make hamburgers and watch television.

Lee:Amaaaannnndaaa… are you going to try and make me into a real person again?! [Interesting that Lee says a ‘real person’ rather than ‘normal’ Winking smile Lee you have been faking for years!! ]
161Amanda: No, but the exposure certainly couldn’t do you any harm. [ He thinks it might I suspect Winking smile  ]
A normal family life is scary for Lee – the idea of being a
153bombers father is too much for him to think about! LOL.. he tells himself it’s a world he knows nothing 154about, and wants to know nothing about! – IMHO because he has never had it.. and doesn’t want to admit to 155himself or anyone else that he feels lost and without an anchor in life – he has no home… and hasn’t had since his parents died.

In the Long Christmas Eve, talking about Rudolph’s daughter growing up without a father hits close to home for Lee..
Amanda: Gee that’s sad… growing up without a
Lee: Some people manage to do very well without a father
Amanda: oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get personal.
Lee: I wasn’t speaking personally.
[Of course he was! Lee wants the world to think he is just fine.. ]
What about his very lonely Christmas which Lee describes here too?!  Amanda calls him out on it- telling him it sounds lonely- but his mask is firmly in place and he seems determined not to show he cares.

Later, when Amanda ‘samples’ what Lee’s Christmas is like when talking to Rudolph – Lee gets to see what he looks like: A pretty sad picture.. and you can see him inwardly groaning at the way this has held a mirror up to his life- Poor Lee!..It’s a moment which is both poignant- and funny!!! 

For me, this loneliness of Lee’s is one of the reasons the tag of Santa’s Got a New Bag is so touching.. Lee’s little panic at being at the family Christmas gathering and fitting in.. only to find it is wonderful to be amongst Amanda’s family, and in her arms Smile is beautifully done!  ohhh sorry I am getting ahead of myself!! stay focused Iwsod!! you can do it Winking smile

Getting back to Lee’s relationship with Amanda, throughout season one and the first half of season two, Lee’s feelings are confusing.. and he at times lashes out in anger, or is abrupt and insensitive to Amanda.. but most of the time he eventually apologises or tries to make it up to her.. He has lots of mood swings Winking smile  and intense emotions when it comes to Amanda! Lee doesn’t like to feel such confusion or lack of control- and with Amanda he is perpetually off balance!

Overtime, Amanda manages to get past his defences- She proves to him time and again that she can be trusted – trusted with his heart, right from the beginning he was safe with her.
I’ll quote here what BJo wrote in 3/3 If Thoughts Could Kill comments: “I also love the end where Amanda saves the day. The looks on Lee and Amanda’s faces say so much. Shock, thanks, relief, happiness…what the heck just happened?!?!? And I love it for a second or two right after he runs his hand through his hair…he is looking toward the door like he is looking for Amanda and thinking about what she just did and then he almost smiles. She stopped him from shooting Billy!! And then she leaves the scene choosing to embarrass herself instead of Lee. What a gal!”

Right from the start, Amanda is Lee’s safe haven- Only, Lee takes time to realise what he unconsciously knows to be true Smile

Slowly, Lee begins to see Amanda as his friend, and accept her into his life on that basis.. she is a good person, and she believes in him.. Also, I think from the start, she gives him just what he has been needing in life! Smile Her faith in him, in Saviour meant a lot to him- even when he was behaving like he was someone else- she knew him and put her faith in him.. this to him was huge.. Remember this little exchange:
164Amanda: He (the baddie)
lied to me and I believed him. I am really foolish
Lee: Hold it, hold it. You believed in me. Huh? You did what you did because
166you trusted me. Now, I don’t know anybody who would go that far out on a limb for a friend.

Lee in season one is very confused by Amanda – she is unlike anyone he has ever known..and there is always an attraction towards her simmering away beneath his level of consciousness. Amanda is a puzzle- he is completely baffled by her behaviour in Weekend!

In Weekend, Lee learns he needs to be more considerate of Amanda and throughout the end of season one, and the start of season two – their friendship grows a little more… I think Lee begins to enjoy and appreciate Amanda’s caring ways – he hasn’t had someone to care for him and want to protect him in a very long time.. so he takes time to accept it and grow comfortable with it!

2.08 AFFAIR AT BROMFIELD HALL.avi_001839272In Affair at Bromfield Hall? Lee is terrified at a fleeting thought that maybe there is more between Lee and Amanda than a friendship and somewhat functional work relationship! Nooo a relationship with Amanda would be a real one!! eek!! and he isn’t the marrying kind!! Nooo!!  He doesn’t see himself doing that!!

Lee the plaayboy is not happy with other plaayboys 2.02 TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN.avi_001387520making a play for Amanda! He disapproves..  Service above and beyond, and Times they are a Changin] I think this shows – he doesn’t believe himself to be good enough for Amanda either.. they are in different romantic dimensions!
We come to the biggie, the brilliant: Brunettes are in, and Lee is forced to choose 2.06 BRUNETTES ARE IN.avi_001171938whether or not to have Amanda in his life – Does he want to work with her?? Does he want to trust her more? Does he want to 2.06 BRUNETTES ARE IN.avi_002563096respect her?? – a big turning point!!! He chooses yes yes and yes! Smile but a romantic relationship with Amanda? nooo!! Lee is still completely unaware of himself and any growing romantic feelings he has for Amanda.

2.11 THE THREE FACES OF EMILY.avi_000321054And we learn in 3 faces of Emily that Lee has been dating Margot the flight attendant..
2.11 THE THREE FACES OF EMILY.avi_000317050booooo Winking smile  But Lee takes Amanda to the embassy party.. and they seem to have a great time together..
2.11 THE THREE FACES OF EMILY.avi_000442108


In Ship of Spies, Lee’s changed in all three areas! How he views himself, Amanda, and marriage! 🙂  In this episode, Lee and Amanda’s growing friendship, professional partnership, mutual trust and loyalty are on display…Lee enjoys Amanda’s company (and IMHO seeks her out to come with him on the cruise because he wants to go with her!) he is starting 2.12 SHIP OF SPIES.avi_000653920to respect her more, and trust her more..and value her more ( his excitement over how thoughtful he was with booking two rooms springs to mind! Winking smile )   and then.. the wedding! The wedding changes Lee – it is a moment of 2.12 SHIP OF SPIES.avi_001933266realisation for him – maybe marriage isn’t so bad.. maybe I do want to be a gulp husband?? Maybe I need this.. maybe I could do this- with Amanda?? wait- this is something I want?? – It’s a moment of self revelation: where he finally realises what has been going on from the start – he does have growing feelings for Amanda! And Ohhh boy!!!! there is some serious chemistry between them!! Amanda is one hot mama! Smile
cover_wedding_kiss_normal speedYes.. any excuse to post this gif again Winking smile
However, I don’t think Lee at this point thinks it is love. He is not open to it yet. In the Tag, Lee retreats to safer ground- and tries to distance himself from what happened – it wasn’t him.. it was his cover – Noooooo! Winking smile  Though from all the events of the episode, it is clear this realisation of Lee’s has not been forgotten. At the same time, Lee has a lot to work through – he is not yet ready to explore his growing feelings for Amanda! Lee enters his next stage: Denial! ‘We were just…you know playing our covers … Nothing more to it.

 Finally, we come to  Spiderweb, where we (and Lee) see the full extent of Lee’s trust and faith in Amanda! The thought of Amanda being a double agent completely knocks Lee of balance- just the thought of it! Lee gets emotional 2.13 SPIDERWEB.avi_000616449with his boss, defending Amanda and remembering how he first met her.. awh!! Even though he doesn’t buy it for a moment.

Amanda 2.13 SPIDERWEB.avi_000818651has become for him – his North Star – she is the one thing in his life that he knows, that is solid and reliable and that he can count on.. I think this episode is hugely important for Lee.  

Also,  Lee’s jealousy at ‘the Polo 2.13 SPIDERWEB.avi_001978411player’ pops up  – and Amanda notices!! Winking smile (and wisely says nothing!)
2.13 SPIDERWEB.avi_001983950Lee is so caught up in all the drama that’s going on he can’t hide it! Smile and I think Lee knows he is sounding jealous too!! I think that’s a first for Lee in that scene!! whoo hooo!

I think from now, Lee and Amanda’s close friendship deepens further – with Amanda not madly in love with Lee at his point – I think Lee is free to grow comfortable with his friendship with Amanda – comfortable with showing he cares. Remember in Lost and Found?? He confesses to Amanda he is bad at relationships!! Lee is vulnerable here.. but he now knows he doesn’t need to be afraid –with Amanda: Lee is always safe! Smile

This is all new ground for Lee.. and so it is ideal that they take their time.. Lee’s heart has the room, the security and the freedom to begin to heal and grow..  Lee can begin to work through his issues with marriage and intimate relationships…

So I will finish there for now. Hope you’ve enjoyed this little walk down memory lane – and how far we have come on our Journey with Lee!!! I shall put one together of Amanda when I have time.. Unless someone else would like to? [Go for it!!] byeeee and as always – I’d love to hear your thoughts!!

30 responses to “Lee’s journey: from the First Time…. to Spiderweb

  1. Pingback: 2/2 SMK Stats: If Thoughts Could Kill (a.k.a. The Damn Duck Episode) | "Just walk with me.."

  2. “Lee: Amaaaannnndaaa… are you going to try and make me into a real person again?! [Interesting that Lee says a ‘real person’ rather than ‘normal’ Lee you have been faking for years!! ]”

    It makes sense to me because, as I see it, adult Lee crafted two personae for his own survival where the “real Lee” seeks shelter: “Scarecrow” for on-the-job and “man-about-town” for the rest of his waking hours. As a child, the persona Lee created was different, but some elements would carry forward into his adult versions. “Normal” is for others and not really in Lee’s vocabulary.


  3. iwsod: “He didn’t have to close his eyes as he danced with Amanda”

    My top 3 reasons (from most to least compelling) why Lee closed his eyes for a few moments: (1) her perfume was exhilarating (he moved closer to her); (2) their bodies fit together comfortably (not common with first time dance partners); (3) in a noisy room he has a moment of peace because he’s getting the package.

    What’s off-kilter and funny (to me) is that it’s Amanda who’s all business here while Lee is drawing out his time with her.


  4. Lovely post! I have read all the comments, and I do want to touch on a few things since re-visiting all these episodes, especially season 1 and 2. Now I dont have season 1 on DVD yet but I have read all the blog posts on them here and DID see them (albeit it has been over 20 years so forgive me if I get anything wrong or leave anything out haha). Also this is going to be LONG, so I apologize ahead of time haha.

    In the first time, he was desprate, if she hadnt helped him … and she could have very well said no, that she chose to take it (as she mentioned herself … but we’ll get to that later 😉 ). I actually think she almost DID say no, but something in her said “this guy needs help!” and Amanda King being who she is, well … she couldnt NOT help someone.

    For Lee, it was the first time (maybe ever, IDK …) he had to rely on the charity of a stranger when he was in dire straits, because without her help, he would have been killed, no question about it. Now I dont think that actually crossed his mind in depth for a while, I am sure he was all like “Whew! close call there!” or something like that, but I dont think he actually stopped and thought “Dang … if it werent for her good naturedness, AND her help (that she DIDNT have to give!!!) … I’d have been dead!”

    Now, I will go through the pivotal episodes (up to Spiderweb) that I think we saw Lee starting to change from a superficial playboy jerk (sorry … but he was, hot though he may be LOL) who didnt need anyone, into someone who values Amanda as a partner, and as a friend. Note: my list might not be in airing order LOL

    Service Above and Beyond- People talk about ‘The Long Xmas Eve’ and ‘Weekend’ being where Lee sees himself ‘in the mirror’ so to speak and starts to not like what he sees, but I also think he gets another look in the ‘mirror’ here as well when he saw how Delano operated with women. I can hear his inner monologue now “Is that how people see me? Is that how I really am with women? Is that how women see me?” etc …

    Then, when Amanda is drugged, and he didnt get there in time to stop it, he blamed himself “I should have been there for her, she was counting on me and I let her down. This is why I work alone!” A lot of things probably went through his mind when he found her, and when he was carrying her down the stairs and probably the first was her family, and how they would be affected if something happened to her, then how HE would be affected.It’s also up in the air whether she heard him when he told her she did a good job and she might make a decent agent someday, and I think she did hear him, but at the end she sees that HE isnt ready to admit it, so she doesnt push him. I also think this is where Amanda sees that Lee really DOES care about her as a person … and as a friend.

    Brunettes are In- As everyone knows, this is the episode where a huge revelation is reached for both characters (but since this post is about Lee, I am going to pick on him LOL). I have to say, when I first saw this episode, I came really close to hating his character. Up to this episode, I have to confess, I never really LIKED him as a ‘person’ (well he wasnt a REAL person … but you know what I mean LOL) all that much to begin with, I actually watched the show for the humor, I really liked Amanda, and I liked that she gave Lee a lot of hell … haha. Plus I watched this show as a kid, and Amanda reminded me of my own mom <3.

    I think when he went back after their argument, and he foiled the baddie’s attempts to kidnap her, he got a huge scary thought of “She could’ve been killed or worse, and I the last words I would have said to her were horrible!” I think after that he made a conscious decision to try not to be a jerk, not only to Amanda, but to everyone he values, I think this taught him that you never know if the next words you say to someone will be your last.

    Then his reaction when he learns that they were going to SELL Amanda, i think he again went back to their argument, and IDK, I might have imagined it, but I thought I saw a fleeting look of panic where he was thinking “what if I HADNT turned around, there WAS a time that I wouldnt have!”

    Okay … I could go on but I think it’s long enough LOL Kewpie dolls to the brave souls who get through this wall of text … ha ha ha. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Love this! Interesting that you watched SMK primarily for Amanda at first. I remember getting hooked on the first few episodes, I loved the dynamic between them and that feisty, confident Amanda would call him on his rude behaviour, and use her everyday knowledge and intelligence to compliment his training. Then the writers got lost, relied too much on coincidences to move the stories along and Lee and Amanda’s characters devolved (when I watched the later season 1 episodes with my daughters – I used Lee’s behaviour as red flags of what not to look for when choosing friends or a significant other). Maybe the writers had to tone things down because the chemistry between BB and KJ was insane and the network didn’t want to go down that road.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I didnt see it as toning it down, or devolving, I saw it as Amanda kind of conceding to the fact that a superficial playboy was who Lee was, she that she kind of accepted that part of him and that is where I think she “packed up” her heart as far as she was concerned.

        I love watching shows and movies where the actors have real chemistry (not talking about just the romantic kind), but you could tell that KJ and BB really got on well with one another (dont know if that ever actually were in a RL relationship or not), and it shows in their interactions with one another on screen.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Oh yes, totally agree where her heart is concerned. I just think Amanda’s character lost her sassy confidence as time went on (compare ACM kid, There goes the Neighborhood with the later episodes in season 1), I am still trying to put my finger on it and articulate the change.


          • I agree, she did somewhat, but I think that was more due to character development and story development than the writers or the actors intentionally doing that. I think as Amanda started to care for Lee (as a friend) and started learning about what made him the way he was, and accepting that, and that’s why I think her snarkiness might have diminished a little.

            She didnt lose all her wit and spunk, she had some zingers in ‘Always look a gift horse’ Amanda: She thinks you’re cute. Lee: I AM cute. Amanda: Not that cute. … and the way she delivers that line is awesome! And in ‘Saved by the Bells’ she is just hilarious as Lee’s ‘Superior’ haha!

            But I do get what you are saying, as her character changed and matured, and grew to take her role with the Agency more seriously, she stopped kind of treating it … I guess as lighthearted? Not the best explanation but it’s the best I could come up with.


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  8. Iwsod asked me to copy this over here from my post in 12/12 S2 E14 ALSALS:
    “Lee, on the other hand, is becoming more human—more sensitive—and less confident (or at least less brash); we see him becoming more Lee and less Scarecrow thanks to Amanda. He learns to appreciate having a loyal trustworthy friend—someone who would do their best not to hurt him. At the beginning he’s surrounded by “Randi-babes” and knows that there’s an endless supply—when one’s gone, another one or more than one will be all over Scarecrow. Over time he learns that while there are “Randi-babes” everywhere, there’s only one Amanda (finally learned with Leslie in s3 OTL) and maybe he should be spending some time appreciating what she has to offer (friendship, for now).”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a fun post, iwsod! “so I thought it was a good time to pause and ponder the development of the Lee Stetson character….” Can’t think of anything better to do! And I finally have some time to do it!
    One other piece of the Lee puzzle to include is his physical beauty (can I call it that?). His looks must have made it hard for him (don’t laugh, read on…). Does this woman I’m with really like me or is it just my incredible good looks? Sort of like a rich man who never knows if the woman wants him or his money. I don’t think it necessarily started that way for Lee, but after all the women in his life, he’s got to be used to women treating him more like a piece of meat than a real person. He’s so dang hot that no one up until Amanda could see past that part of him. Or maybe the bimbettes he dated weren’t even capable, but I digress. After a while that had to effect his view of himself, especially when coupled with all the walls he’s put up. Does that make sense to anyone? But as he gets older, I agree with what you say that he “has a deep need to connect with someone”. I also agree that he has no idea what ‘love’ really is until Amanda comes along and treats him like a person/friend and not a piece of meat.
    (sidebar) Now, please don’t shoot me anyone…but in The First Time when Lee closes his eyes as he’s dancing with Amanda, I never really read that much into it. I just figured he was putting on a show for his ‘friends’ at the party. After all, the mighty Scarecrow has am image with the ladies to uphold. I don’t doubt there was an attraction, Amanda is a beautiful woman, but I think he was just really pouring on the charm.
    Lee is “perpetually off balance” with Amanda because she is a completely foreign entity to him! He thinks he knows her and her type, but all he knows is the stereotype and we all know how accurate those are when applied to an individual person. She consistently acts in ways he doesn’t expect. She does not fit in the box he keeps trying to stuff her in! And after so many times of surprising him with her behavior, spunk and smarts, he finally does let her in a little at a time. It takes time but he does realize he can absolutely trust her! (thanks for the mention, iwsod !) Boy is Lee getting an education here.
    I am right with you when you say “he doesn’t believe himself to be good enough for Amanda either”. I think he views Amanda as his gold standard of goodness, Americana, applie pie, etc. right down to the white picket fence in her front yard. He’s very good at doing his job to protect that way of life, but it makes him ‘dirty’ so to speak and therefore he would ‘dirty’ Amanda’s goodness and we can’t have that now, can we? He is fiercely protective of her (and goodness) as you say. He never had that idyllic life, but he busts his rump every day so that other people can. He doesn’t think he’s good enough to have that life though. I can imagine growing up with his exacting uncle, always screwing up and getting in trouble, etc. I’m sure his uncle told him over and over again how bad he was and I’m sure that stuck with him. Imagine all the thoughts and feeling going on in his head in Ship of Spies at the wedding. No wonder he’s affected by the kiss more than Amanda – this vision of all that’s good has agreed to walk down the aisle with him – she doesn’t know he faked his name and such – she thinks it’s real! I know he’s thinking that she can’t go through with it for real when he is standing on her dress. Hahahaha! Squirm Lee, squirm!
    Thanks for doing this, iwsod! I’d love to take a crack at Amanda’s journey, but I want to finish that stats post first.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Iwsod, thank you for a lovely post! Nice to see this all tied together in a single “the psychology of Lee” package. I so appreciate the time and effort that you put into your blogging. I agree with your thoughts. I do struggle with how much Lee really realized he was “missing out” and whether he lost any sleep over it. I doubt it. I would argue that he was generally clueless as to what he was missing, except the Eva thing refutes that. I definitely think Lee fits into the “I wasn’t looking but somehow you found me” category. (Someone has done a vid to The Spy Who Loved Me, maybe LoveSMK? ) I think the fact that Lee wasn’t looking was a huge factor in the development of the relationship between him and Amanda. It allowed each of them to see the other as friends first which of course is my favorite point about their relationship through the years.

    Finally caught up just in time to be out of town for a few days. Catch you when I get back…. bye!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahh such a lovely topic to ponder this isn’t it! I’ve loved reading your thoughts!

      Raffie, I’d have to say I mostly agree with what you wrote – I think most of the time right up to ship of spies Lee was clueless, and not knowingly looking for a relationship [but he was! 🙂 ] Alot of his journey was below his level of consciousness for me..with the odd moment of unsettling surfacing (like the hand holding by the thames) but mostly Lee was unaware! So I agree with you – he was definitely not looking! yeah it did help them to develop very true!!!

      Morley, your idea about the Brunette thing makes sense.. sure- why shouldn’t Lee have a type.. I always thought Lee went for blondes – except for when it came time to look for a serious relationship ( Leslie, Amanda.. ) but.. that is getting ahead of myself a little.. we do get to see some of Lee’s bimbettes coming up.. so the picture is forming more clearly – and I’ll keep this interesting idea of yours in mind!! I hope you will too :0 thanks for sharing!

      Ahh Claudia! Lovely to hear you are out there! 🙂

      Anyone like to do one on Amanda????? [Okay Cindy is out! LOL!!! I know her character went through a bit of an identity crisis at times Cindy.. I would just skip those bits if they don’t make sense to her overall journey – but that would be a judgement call left to the individual author 🙂 ]

      Hi Debilyn – oh you’re a legend for helping Bjo! well done!!! We can’t let anything get in the way of someone watching Lee bringing sexy back 😉 hooo haaaaaaaaa
      I’ll look forward to hearing your take when you are able to – those darn studies keep getting in the way of smk time huh!!! Same here! 🙂

      Allofakind- yeah!!! the tag of charity was a great moment!!! 🙂 good one!!!

      Thanks Melissa R!! 🙂

      byeee guys! Feel free to update here if you have new thoughts on Lee’s journey!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • “I always thought Lee went for blondes – except for when it came time to look for a serious relationship ( Leslie, Amanda.. )”, I see you neglected to mention Dorothy and *spits on ground* Eva Spinelli.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I think he goes for blondes because he is NOT going for brunetts (and what they represent). I actually don’t think any of this is conscience, I wonder if people tend to have a very powerful sub-conscience when they are trying to avoid thing? Does that make sense?

          Liked by 1 person

          • All the real relationships (Dorothy, Eva (spitting too), Leslie and then finally Amanda are solid, smart and independent, brunette women. The blondes are bimbos. All of Lee’s substantial relationships, starting with his mother (and I don’t think it’s any accident that she was a brunette too) they all ended in pain. His mother and Dorothy died and Eva was a murdering spy. So he gravitated away from the kind of woman who caused pain when they left. And since Lee isn’t consciously aware of any of this… he stays away from brunettes because that is a tangible representation of those losses in his life. He chooses bimbos because there is no emotional investment – who cares when they run off with an airline pilot or get bent out of shape when they find Amanda at his apartment. So he doesn’t have to worry about the pain. But the longer he’s with Amanda, the more he realizes he wants something more solid. I think that’s what Leslie represents. It’s a step toward a deeper relationship. But it shows he isn’t fully ready for Amanda and he doesn’t want to lose Amanda. On the one hand, Lee has never imagined himself with someone like Amanda. So on paper Leslie makes more sense. Someone in a similar line of work etc. So that part of Leslie appeals to the logical side of Lee. Then the emotional side of him is still scared he will lose everyone he cares about. He doesn’t want to take the risk with Amanda. Leslie is safer emotionally. And even her being a brunette is a step for him. I think that’s why I never disliked Leslie or her relationship with Lee. He was never going to be able to move from bimbo to Amanda. Leslie was that necessary middle step. He thought she would be the right choice because logically she was the kind of woman he’d settle down with and he wasn’t emotionally invested enough to worry about losing her like he was with Amanda. But he realized that without that emotional investment, he didn’t get the relationship he wanted. It took being with Leslie to see that. So he was ready for Amanda. Ready for the emotional risk and reward.

            Liked by 2 people

  11. I love what you’ve written here. There is one scene in Charity Begins at Home that I’ve always thought showed a real shift in Lee’s view of his relationship with Amanda. In the tag he comes to her house to tell her about his new car. There was no business to do. No need to protect her. No pretense at all. When a guy gets a new car he shows a friend or a girlfriend. But he chose Amanda. He seemed surprised, confused and happy all at once about finding himself at her house for such a social reason. But he didn’t seem unhappy or scared. That’s a shift. He’s starting to accept that he actually likes her.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Melissa Robertson

    Great and very inciteful…I think that you have hit the nail on the head!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I think it would be tough to do Amanda’s journey because the writers took her through a ditzy ‘my-headband-is-too-tight” phase from the end of season one to midway season 2. I just do not have the strength to deal with “Artful Dodger” and “Class Act” again. Maybe if I can ignore those episodes……

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thank’s IWSOD, it’s always a pleasure to walk with you!


  15. I don’t know if this fits with this post (which I thoroughly enjoyed) But I kept thinking these thoughts while I read it… It is almost as if there is a place for Lee to be drawn to a woman like Amanda because of the kind of woman that his mother appears to have been. She is portrayed in the series as a warm, strong, adventuresome woman, who happens to also be a homemaker (as well as a brunette). I think that type of a woman might be imprinted on Lee’s subconscience and that part of him recognizes this about Amanda right off. Of course that would probably make him run and hide behind all those well crafted defenses. The other thing that I keep thinking about is how the goodness and trustworthiness of this type of woman was reinforced for Lee through his training and close friendship with Emily Farnsworth. I also noticed that all of the women that Lee seems drawn to for significant, normal relationships are brunettes. Maybe all this is thinking too deeply and maybe the writers didn’t think that far, but hey I thought it so there it is 🙂 So glad there is a place to put these thoughts, Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Though many years have passed since you posted this, Morley (I found JWWM just before the S4 walk began), I am in complete agreement with these thoughts of yours about Lee’s mother, Lady Emily and Amanda:

      “… I think that type of a woman might be imprinted on Lee’s subconscience and that part of him recognizes this about Amanda right off. . . . The other thing that I keep thinking about is how the goodness and trustworthiness of this type of woman was reinforced for Lee through his training and close friendship with Emily …”

      Spot on!


      • Awh thanks for the reminder of this wonderful discussion!
        There are so many awesome thoughts people have shared here over the years it’s quite mind boggling! 🙂

        Really great timing that you reminded us of these thoughts too Nancy because Katjielee and I (in post 10/19 stemwinder II) were just discussing Lee’s view of Amanda at the start of the show, knowing she was a housewife and all.. this ties in to this discussion..

        I’ll get a new blog post published today for us to continue discussing the trajectory of Lee and Amanda’s love story now we are finished season 3.. sorry I’m not terribly organised at the moment.. but hey, we do the best we can and smk is for fun, not for stressing!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Pleased to see you posted a part 2 of Lee & Amanda’s Love Story. Will head there next. When you asked if there’s interest and provided a couple links, I checked them out and liked what I found. Knowing you have a hectic life and are battling a cold, I wonder how you find time. Then again, taking a step aside from “real life” to bask awhile in S&MK-land is an effective tonic for whatever ails a person!


          • Hi Nancy! this went into moderation as you used a different email address to sign in. So from now with either email address you should have your comment published straight away no probs.

            Oh lol yes the head is still very fuzzy I’m afraid.. yeah I published 2/2 but I haven’t really written up a big post sharing my take as such. No time!

            Then again, taking a step aside from “real life” to bask awhile in S&MK-land is an effective tonic for whatever ails a person!

            So true!! 🙂 I find this very unpredictable for myself – sometimes smk is the perfect remedy.. but other times I need to step back and I just accept it. I can’t predict which way I will go on any given day haaaa.. though too much computer work in RL does tend to lead to a need to pull back from the blog and being on the computer.. such is life!

            But I am really happy that this blog is not just about me – and that people such as yourself stop by here and keep the conversation going..and the fun happening.. regardless of whatever is happening with me.

            This blog is a joy – and knowing you all via this blog through this fab little show is also a joy 🙂
            I hope you all find it a no pressure, lovely little escape when you feel like escaping 🙂

            When you asked if there’s interest and provided a couple links, I checked them out and liked what I found.

            So many clever, insightful and fun smk fans have shared their thoughts here over the years!!! 🙂

            I look forward to reading your thoughts over on 2/2 soon Nancy 🙂 bye!

            Liked by 1 person

            • “this went into moderation as you used a different email address to sign in. So from now with either email address you should have your comment published straight away no probs.”

              Must have been a typo — sorry! My original email when I first signed up is the correct one. I was up at the crack of dawn today preparing a hot lunch (cottage pie) for 15-20 down-on-their-luck folks at our local churches’ homeless soup kitchen. Prep and cooking requires lots of standing so I popped on over here to put my feet up and visit when I got home. It’s an “atmospheric river” of heavy rain here and, were it cold enough for snow, we’d be buried!


  16. Lovely post, IWSOD. I’ve been thinking about how I see the relationship growth, and my Lee thoughts aren’t far from what you’ve posted here. Come summer when I have time to put it all down, I might do that. (Taking a class myself, so I know how crazy that can be.) I’m really enjoying this walk through SMK. I’m noticing/learning things along with you, so thanks again for the blog!


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