4/5 The Third “Annual” Golden Teacup Awards TM–Golden Teacups (part 2) by CindyDee

(Doing my best Majel Barrett impression) Last time on the Golden Teacup Awards….

The Francine Fashion Faux Pas meme was alive and well in Season Three. The JustWalkWithMe family erupted in chaos arguing whether this was enough evidence to tip Francine into the BadlyDressedBadGuy territory. Several of us suffered PTSD flashbacks as we may or may not have worn similar outfits back in the day. Silver teaspoons (so close yet so far!) were awarded to Donna Clayton, Carla, Nick Cross, Frank Duran and Kenneth Clayton Dobbs. Krutiov threw a temper tantrum when he realized he missed a Golden Teacup by this much and is actively campaigning to get a recount. Golden Teacups were awarded to Daisy “Not-a-hair-out-of-place” Dispatch, Steven Sallee, Peter Sacker and Jeppard aka the King Cobra. When Jeppard realized he missed top baddie, he just smirked. Somehow I don’t think he really cares.

And now the conclusion….

The last Golden Teacup and the title of Top Season Three Baddie goes to…

Three Little Spies – Pam “Ms Machiavelli” Gentry

not a baddie phone

Evil Pam’s evil plan (say that 5 times fast) was two years in the making, which is really impressive unless you consider Frank “Puff the Magic Dragon” Duran’s 20 year plan for revenge or Kenneth Clayton-Dobbs happily wreaking havoc on world economies for 3 decades.  Then again, neither Duran nor KCD had to spend time with Randall “Groovy” Skylar (or it that Skylar “Groovy” Randall?) I am sure those two years with this guy felt like a very, very long time.

And after those very long two years of working closely with Randall/Skylar and listening to “Barbed Wire Love” for the millionth time, I can’t blame her for being a little stabby near the end.
I certainly would be tempted. 

Here is why Pam is Numero Uno.

She’s an arms dealer of world renown and was already a ‘much sought after enemy of the (Soviet) State’. This is an impressive accomplishment, because unlike the Golden Teacups, the Russians don’t bestow that title willy nilly on just anyone.

She stole or arranged for the stealing of nuclear detonators. (I sincerely hope it was not at a facility Lee designed the security for, EEP! I cannot handle a petulant Lee like we had in “The Artful Dodger”.)

She then went quiet after her big score, but somehow managed to meet and convince Skylar to front her “Food for Flight” organization, whose sole purpose of raising funds and collecting food is to smuggle those detonators to Pakistan.

No one can argue that Pam is not hyper organized. The skill it takes to run a not-for-profit of this size (and an illegal arms smuggling business) is huge. Though I do wonder how much Rajmand was willing to pay her, it would seem very easy, safer and potentially more profitable to have “Food For Flight” pay her an exorbitant salary like many of the other charities. Maybe she needs the challenge.

Would her complicated plot make her worthy of the Laser Shark Award? It certainly has a delicious irony in her plan (using US Air force to smuggle the detonators, and having the Congressmen’s wives and First Lady support a charity that was supplying nuclear weapons to their enemies). She doesn’t mind having to do good (in her mind, a necessary evil) if that means she can get her detonators smuggled– to Pam, the end always justify the means.
I thought about it, and (because I am totally making this up as a I go along) and have decided she doesn’t qualify because she is too pragmatic and her plot had a plausible chance of succeeding. Only two things stood in her way Rajmand and Ronald Reagan.

Rajmand, though enthusiastic, was not the brightest bulb. As evidence, I present to you his LAME-O assassination attempt at the taco stand – he deliberately runs into another car to force it to run over our superspy trio. What an amateur!
In case you are not convinced, here is a shot when he drove the conveniently available airplane fuel truck over the conveniently placed cliff. Oh my heck, I shouldn’t laugh, but really! It was probably Rajmand who insisted on smuggling out the first detonator early that tipped their hand in the first place.
But the liability of dealing with Rajmand wouldn’t derail her perfectly laid plans. She calculated that smuggling out the first detonator was low risk even if discovered. In her wildest dreams, she never would have expected Reagan to own up the theft to the Chinese and Russian leaders. Smart money would be on the deny, Deny, DENY! tactic. Even then, it took three enemy governments and their best intelligence agents and three incredibly smart and resourceful women working together to take her down.  

She originally lost points through how easily she gave up the information to Nadine, but I figured Nadine probably had access to of Krutiov’s Deja Vu drug so Pam couldn’t help spilling about truck 52.
If Pam didn’t win the Laser Shark Award, then who did?…….
Come back for the final post in the Season 3 Golden Teacup Awards to find out!

Please share any thoughts you have about the top Baddie for Season Three!
CindyDee

3/5 The Third “Annual” Golden Teacup Awards TM- Golden Teacups (part 1) by CindyDee

And, without further ado (honest, I mean it this time!)

The Third “Annual”

Golden Teacup Awards TM

(For Real!)

 

 

*Disclaimer and other legal stuff:  Scoring criteria for the Golden Teacup Awards will be held to the same rigorous standard as Olympic Russian Ice Dancing Judges and will be as clear and transparent (and make as much sense) as the plot of “We’re Off to See the Wizard.” Results have been verified by Warren Beatty and the accounting firm of Price-Waterhouse because they did such a bang up job at the Oscars this year. (Yes, I am blaming Warren and not Faye Dunaway.    ‘Wow, I think something is wrong with the ballot, instead of calling someone over for clarification, I’ll just hand it to Faye without telling her I think something is wrong.  It is not like there is any chance she will think I can’t read the print, or am being a gentleman and letting her announce the winner.  What could possibly go wrong?’  Not cool Warren, not cool!).   I am also getting feedback that some of you would spring the unholy trio of Nick Cross, Eva Spinelli and Sinclair (and probably General Zod while you are at it!) from the Phantom Zone and give them awards.  Maybe we can do a fan favourite or a March Madness bracket type awards show for your input.*

 

Again, I am your host CindyDee and I am pleased to FINALLY announce the Golden Teacup winners for Season Three.

 

The Golden Teacups had its illustrious start several (which means in I am too lazy to look up the exact date) years ago when IWSOD and the readers of Justwalkwithme realized that SMK had its own baddie short hand to identify villains.  It is too predictable and boring just to use sinister music or lighting to indicate the bad guys, the writers give us a heads up that these people are up to no good with the following clues:
The Badlydressedbad guy
TM  (BDBG)– as the show starts to take itself more seriously, we see less of the BDBG , this meme was more prevalent in season one and early season two.
If the antagonist was more cultured and refined, we got treated to the sight of the Baddie PhoneTM and/or an elaborate tea service for which the Golden Teacup Awards are named.

 

(Even though the award is called the Golden Teacup, it is not necessary for the recipient to be spotted drinking tea, but it certainly doesn’t hurt his or her chances to be caught doing so!)

 

Our Fifth place Golden Teacup award is awarded to

 

**5. Reach for the Sky – Daisy**

Daisy is a lean, mean, French braided, fighting machine and she doesn’t even have a last name.  Heck, with someone as awesome as she is, doesn’t need one!!  I love the contradiction between her name and the kick ass assassin she is. 

 

 

She is a one person HR department – problems with your underlings?  No problem — call Daisy and she will ‘dispatch’ them for you! 

 

Oh oh – looks like someone is going to get a warning for substandard performance.  I wonder if this will go on his permanent record?3.08 REACH FOR THE SKY.avi_002079079

Yep.  I doubt anyone will be hiring Zorbel anytime soon after that reprimand.

 

Don’t bother with ineffective written warnings, Daisy will show ‘your pain in the neck employee’ what that phrase truly means.

 

Daisy Dispatch is Charles Canaan’s right hand ‘man’ – she is Francine’s counterpart but more hands on, more respected and waaaaaaay better dressed than her (for all you Francine fans out there – don’t blame me;  blame the writers! And the wardrobe department!).

  

Our gal Daisy is a hyper competent assassin who is as comfortable behind a computer screen setting up a satellite link to steal a billion dollars

 

 

as she is handling a gun or engaging in hand to hand combat

 

 

*and not a hair out of place.  How does she do that?*

 

Of course I was not happy she beat the snot out of StuntLee, but it was impressive none-the-less. 

 

When Billy went rogue (coincidently in the same episode), the whole agency quickly fell apart with Francine at the helm.  I get the feeling that in a similar situation, Daisy would run the organization with a ruthless efficiency until the boss returned.

 

Alas, she was no match for Amanda’s station wagon’s door.

 

 

Don’t worry Daisy fans this is stuntDaisy.  (Still a decent French braid)  I think real Daisy is just tired and wants to take a nap

3.08 REACH FOR THE SKY.avi_002705705

 

*Still not a hair out of place!*

 

Being a One Woman Show of Awesome all the time must be exhausting!

 

Our 4th place Golden Teacup Award goes to

 

**4. Dead Men Leave No Trails Steven Sallee/ ‘Alan’**

 

Seriously, Amanda, whenever anyone introduces himself as Alan – you run for the hills, or at the very least call for backup. Because if Alan is not trouble, trouble is certainly following close by.  We had previous season one winner Alan Squires/Art Garfunkel, (the Artful Dodger)

 

*Look!  A Baddie drinking from a Teacup!*

 

who squeaked in my top 5 by decking petulant whiny cranky boy Lee and Season Three Alan ‘The Chin’ Chamberlain (A Lovely Little Affair)

 

 

who takes time out from worrying his kidnapped baby sister may be killed at any moment to hit on Amanda.   His brotherly concern is so touching *eyeroll*.

 

One of the reasons ‘Alan’/ Sallee cracks the top five because of his eyes, those intense, unblinking,  menacing eyes.   Sallee meeting Amanda for the second time

 

He is definitely not a happy camper

 

Here is a closer look.

 

 

Pretty spooky, right?  They made such an impression on Amanda (burning into her psyche and ours) that she was able to recognize him from a blurry slide while she was standing at the back of a room and she couldn’t even see his eyes properly in the photo.   Dang!  She is good!

 

 

 

**Steven Sallee Fun Fact!**

*Did you know that Steven still holds the record for longest unbeaten streak in staring contests at his elementary and junior high schools?  He was defeated once in high school (he was suffering a nasty case of pink eye at the time,) but regained the title when the winner suddenly disappeared under mysterious circumstances and didn’t show up for the rematch.*

 

Sallee was a consummate cold blooded killer who faked his death and bedazzled the lonely and slightly crazy Millicent as he plotted his triumphant comeback and revenge.  He gets serious points for having electricity as a hobby (okay, Millicent. Nothing weird about that) and being able to manufacture some light bulbs out of explosives that look close enough and functional enough to the real thing that no one notices the switch.  He also gains cred by somehow getting the reception switched *back* to the hotel he was working at.   Or maybe he was working *all* the hotels in the area, carefully juggling his shifts so he could make sure he could pull the old ‘light bulb switcheroo’.  This is a very busy and superorganized guy.

 

*Poor Millicent — not a teadrinking baddie…… Or is she?*

 

Why is Steven/Alan so low in the rankings when many of us thought he was a contender for top spot?  He lost some serious BadBoy cred in my books by coming undone in the end and for some bizarre reason decides to kill everyone who has ever seen him so as not to draw attention to himself.  Because nothing allows you to fly under the radar like a trail of dead bodies, especially *after* your victims had already talked to the person tracking you. (Unfortunately, I do believe Millicent was doomed the moment he answered her ‘room for rent’ ad, but why was the sandwich guy killed?)  He further slipped in the rankings by running into the room he forgot he had rigged up to explode — and why did he set the timer to go off so soon after the reception started?  You know those things always run late!  These really bad, unforgivable rookie mistakes cost Sallee the top spot.

 

GAH!  I am really itching to rewrite the ending.  Sallee showed such promise and totally fizzled in the end.  Here are a few alternatives:  Sallee takes Van Cleef hostage instead of Francine, tries to escape through rear doors but they are blocked by the cart of lobster tails (the coincidences are already so unbelievable in this episode, might as well add a few more!).  Francine sees the lights flicker, jumps in and rescues Van Kleef , pushing him under a table and they and they leave the ballroom still bickering about melting ice sculptures and ruined petit fours (hey, while I am re-writing the ending, I might as well redeem Francine too). 

 

Second alternate ending.  It turns out Millicent is really a crazy serial killer with a fear of abandonment after she found out her cheating, no good husband was going to leave her.  (Thanks Nancy and Michelle’s sister for this idea!) She poisons him and sticks the body in her giant food freezer and proceeded to do the same with several of her male borders when she sensed they were getting ready to move as her mothering turned to smothering.   She is already slowing poisoning Sallee which is why he is in a mental fog and ran into the room he just rigged with explosives.   

 

Anyway, moving right along,

 

Our third place Golden Teacup goes to

**3. Utopia Now – Peter Sacker.**  

 

 

Oooh – I have a love-hate relationship with Peter.  If he and his flunkies had waited one millisecond longer, we would have a confirmed lip lock.  But then again, do we really want our first non-cover kiss to be in a damp smelly swamp?

 

*Photo of “just two people trying to stay warm.”  With their lips. Because having hypothermia on the lips can be life threatening.*

 

But at least with Amanda’s firm throwing down the gauntlet (“Not Exactly”) in the tag, I predict it won’t be long before Lee “Man of Action” decides to kiss her for real.  I give it three episodes, tops (Insert huge eyeroll here).

 

Why did Sacker posthumously vault to 3rd place?  Ahh, this is where life imitates art.  Remember Sacker’s statement-   “Oh boy, where were you four years ago when I was running for office?… If I’d had three more like you in my camp I’d probably be running this whole country by now…” 

This proved what a nut job he was.  Oh how we laughed, and laughed and laughed.  Real tears were rolling down my cheeks.  It was totally unbelievable that in four years an outrageous person, with a rabid following and no political experience could, with just a few more people on his campaign and expert media manipulation, become President.  Right……. as if that could ever happen – no way someone not well connected in either major party could win the party nomination and then top spot. 

 

SIGH.  I guess the last laugh is Sacker’s.

 

So, taking all of his crackpot statements about being President out of the equation, his plan was pretty solid. Target the powerlines (which would have been a relatively benign act of terror that most of your followers would have okay with) then go after your real target.  What was he hoping to gain by killing the president?  I don’t think he thought that part out completely, but it’s okay – the most important thing is to get noticed!

 

 

 

*Hey Krutiov!  This is the guy that bumped you out of Golden Teacup contention.  Too bad he done did blow himself up real good so you can’t practice your hypno psychological mumbo jumbo magic on him.*

 

 

And to remind people another reason Sacker ranked so highly — here is the lovely gif IWSOD made about two people just trying to get warm.

 

Our Runner up for Best of the Baddies for Season Three and will take top spot if for any reason the winner gets disqualified is

 

**2. The Triumvirate – Jeppard – aka King Cobra**

 

Jeppard is an assassin for hire who loves killing and is happy to make a profit doing it. (to echo Lee – ‘it’s a job I happen to do well’ but with Jeppard, this is the part  he enjoys very much.)   You have to admit he is creative with his hits — Omar Kalim takes a dive off the Eiffel Tower and Krakower gets crushed by dozens of beer kegs.  (And Lee, as a side note, Krakower being run over by a truck (even though he wasn’t run over by a truck) is not ironic – unless that his M.O was running over people with a truck.  If he were crushed to death by American beer kegs on a way to an AA meeting — that would be ironic, or if he had pretended he was a brew master while undercover – that would be ironic or at the very least, poetic justice.)

 

The skill and knowledge Jeppard has to make the beer kegs guided flying projectiles of death is impressive indeed.  I think it is safe to say he did very well in his high school physics class.  I think ‘death by flying beer keg’ may supplant ‘death by ice cream truck’ as my favourite murder weapon.

 

Did you notice his file number is 666? 

Nothing obvious at all about this, nothing obvious at all, but it does set up Lee’s ‘deal with the devil’ statement at the end very nicely. 

 

I admire Jeppard’s pragmatism and bluntness.  When the ‘good guys’ (Lance and Amanda) are targeted Jeppard calls the triumvirate foursome on their hypocrisy and forces them to get their hands dirty as well. 

 

 

Though threatening Karl’s grandson was pretty low.

 

He is seriously a very dangerous and scary dude.

 

But what really cements Jeppard’s Golden Teacup win and high ranking is when he is laying in the hospital bed, missing a lung, and several arteries and is not expected to live through the night.  Does he panic? No siree! He’s been in worse fixes! 

 

I almost believe him.  He just wants his 100 000 that was owed to him (not a penny more or a penny less) and with a smirk he’ll be on his way. 

Maybe Jeppard knows he is dying and won’t make it, but he is going to the grave preserving the rights of assassins everywhere to get paid for their work.

What do you think?  Will Jeppard live to see another day?  Will he somehow slip out of the hospital and resume his career?  Somehow, I think he did.

 

And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for…..

The Number One Season Three Baddie is…..

(checks ear piece)…
Oops!  Looks like we have run out of time (blame the Nick Cross fiasco!) and will have continue this at the next post. 

 

Are you worried favourite baddie did not make the cut? Who do you think is in the number one spot? Don’t despair, the Numero Uno Season Three Baddie will be revealed, and the coveted “Laser Shark Award” are still to come.

 

 

2/5 The Third “Annual” Golden Teacup Awards TM -Silver Teaspoon TM edition By CindyDee


LEGAL DISCLAIMER AND PREAMBLE – aka BLAH BLAH BLAH aka Does anyone even pay attention to this part?

The following Golden Teacup/Silver Teaspoon Awards posts are written by a guest author and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of IWSOD or the blog Justwalkwithme.com. IWSOD and JWWM are not responsible for any disagreements, arguments or legal action that may ensue.

It is further acknowledged that the scoring for the Golden Teacups and Silver Teaspoons aren’t really based on any rubric or other detailed analysis or scoring criteria, it is more how CindyDee was feeling at the moment these were written.

If for any reason any of the Golden Teacup winners are disqualified, the Silver Teaspoon recipient with the highest overall score will move into 5th place and the other Goldies will be shifted accordingly.

And now on to the rest of the post.

Welcome to the Third “Annual” Golden TeacupTM Awards.  Again, I am your host Cindy Dee.

We see many of the plots of Season Three fall into two main categories – personal betrayal (“All the World’s a Stage”, “Fast Food for Thought”, “Dead Men Leave No Trails”, “J. Edgar’s Ghost”, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, and “The Eyes Have It”) and/or personal vendettas against the Agency (“We’re Off to See the Wizard”, “Tail of the Dancing Weasel”, “The Eyes Have It”, “Wrong Number”, and “The Pharaoh’s/Pharoah’s Engineer”). By creating stories that make the viewer feel personally invested, the writers hope the villains will invoke stronger emotions and be more threatening and compelling.

Another trend in Season Three is more interesting female Baddies in either a main or supporting role –even if we ignore Francine and her snark (and her fashion). Female villains are featured in 7 of 22 episodes – “Welcome to America, Mr. Brand”, “Sour Grapes”, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, “Playing for Keeps”, “Fast Food for Thought”, “Reach for the Sky” and “Triumvirate” (actually 8 if you count Leslie O’Connor in “Over the Limit” – Smile ) which is up from four in Season One and tied with seven in Season Two. (I am ignoring the insipid Gwyneth in “Affair at Bromfield Hall” because she is a twit.) Whether the increased representation will translate to more awards remains to be seen

We have tweaked the format of the show this year and are starting with the Silver TeaspoonTM Awards.  The Silver Teaspoon is awarded to Baddies that were interesting or good (I mean bad) enough to deserve an award but didn’t quite make the cut for a coveted Golden TeacupTM.  Consider the Silver Teaspoon a step up from a participation ribbon – the STA is an honorable mention or the equivalent of an award given in the untelevised portion of the OscarsTM.

And , without further ado, the Silver Teaspoon recipients are :

5. Donna Clayton (Playing for Keeps)

“Playing for Keeps” is an uneven episode partly due to the sudden rewrite to deal with Kate Jackson’s absence when her father died. (And I am still bitter we didn’t get the slow dance scene that was in the script. I had hoped they would have found an excuse to stick it in a different episode.)

Ms Clayton is introduced as a hyper competent body guard – one who is a weapons expert, with a military flying background and has a black belt. (I am assuming it has something to do with her achievement in a martial arts discipline rather than fashion because I am sure her all belts are tan.)

I am not sure if I am more impressed with Donna taking charge and taking out assassin/saboteur Steckler (if that is even his real name coughRostovcough!) or her matchy match hair/neckerchief/lipstick/jacket. (Why the script insists that Donna is in western wear, I guess we’ll never know. Maybe it was to hide a certain tattoo on her arm? Or a hickey on her neck? Another unsolved SMK mystery. And the purse! Oh My Heck, SMK, it always cracks me up when you have the female agents or bodyguards running around in the field carrying big clunky purses. I know it was the 1980s, but surely there had to be a better way!)

What I also love about Donna is this gal takes no flack from anyone. Even though I believe she was going to get rid of Steckler from the beginning and take the credit and the money from the kill, it must have been satisfying to blow him up after he was such a condescending jerk and proclaimed he was running the show.

4. Fast Food for Thought – Carla

Ahhh, Carla. She is immediately suspicious of Lee and Amanda when they flubbed how they heard about the convention — Wow, just think Lee, if you had discussed the details of the case during the car ride or even in the parking lot like Amanda SUGGESTED, ASKED, BEGGED this wouldn’t have happened. But I can see how you were caught unaware, because off the top of my head, I can list FOUR other times you leaving Amanda out of the loop almost blew your cover. I hate to break this to you Lee, even pigeons learn from negative reinforcement, (or is an example of positive punishment?)

(TANGENT ALERT) Maybe IWSOD wants to chime in as I am flashing back to my introductory university psych course and not sure I have this completely correct. My simplified layman’s understanding of operant conditioning is that reinforcement refers to initial behavior increasing in frequency due to the interaction and punishment is decreasing the initial behavior. Positive refers to something being added as a consequence and negative means something taken away.

(from http://kristinhricko.weebly.com/operant-conditioning.html)

In this case, Lee does not tell Amanda cover, cover is almost blown and Amanda is ticked at him. So I guess since one would assume this should decrease his behavior of not telling Amanda their cover, this dynamic falls in the positive punishment category. However, Lee should make the connection that if he lets Amanda in on the ‘need-to-know’ – especially when she does need to know, this will decrease their cover being blown (which is bad) and Amanda being ticked at him (even more bad) — this would put it in the negative reinforcement realm. Ack! My poor head. But, no matter how you classify it, Lee is not learning from his mistakes and pigeons and lab rats do (heck, even single celled paramecia show learned behaviours!1 ) –so I think it is safe to guess how Scarecrow got his nickname. (end TANGENT)

So the evil Carla gets points for sleeping with Marvelous Marvin and leveraging a promotion from secretary to being in charge food processing.  I can’t give her too much credit for getting her hooks into Marvin – he is a very lonely man and naïve when it comes love (unless it involves his cheeseburgers) but then again, she had to fake being overjoyed sleeping in a bed with Marvelous MarvinTM bedsheets no matter what the thread count. So kudos to her for that – I am not sure how many people could make that sacrifice. She lost BadGal cred for getting involved with Eddie Le Grande–regional sales manager or not – girl, keep your eye on the prize! Eddie wasn’t even that good looking! Unless she somehow needed Eddie’s connections to find out the chief chemist’s Cecil’s background in chemical weapons, but I think I am over reaching.

I guess she had to get involved with Barry “Dumb –Dumb” Metz to execute her plan because he was in charge of food distribution but ‘dating’ father then son (especially this father/son duo) — oh ICK! There are absolutely no redeeming factors here. You’ve got to admit, it’s pretty low, impressive, but low. Hey, if this extortion business doesn’t work out, I bet you can get a guest spot on Jerry Springer!

She lost major baddie points for arguing in front of Lee’s open window considering she knew Eddie was a former agent and she was already suspicious of Lee and Amanda.

Do you think Carla’s fatal flaw might have something to do with her hotheadedness and impatient and impulsive nature?

But Marvin is not completely blameless in this outing. You know, if your head chemist is so angry he’s going to poison your customers, your son hates your guts and your former lover cheats on you with your son and tries to ruin you and your company, maybe it’s you. And Marvin spilling his guts to Amanda? –it certainly is not a way to promote company unity to a potential franchise owner. How horrible to tell complete strangers what a disappointment your son is – I bet Barry has heard that all his life.

Marvin’s rant ”So, uh, maybe it’s time for this old buzzard to kick Carla and Barry out of the nest and ….see if they can fly by themselves” also really bugs me. Maybe Barry is a putz, but Dude – in case you haven’t noticed, Carla is now in charge, you are just a figure head. Yes, Barry is a freeloader, but Carla is actually in the background running your company very efficiently. No wonder she gets ticked that you are going to toss her to the curb. She is working her buns (no pun intended) off and this is how you thank her?

Maybe in the beginning, Carla got involved with Marvin so he could be her sugar daddy, or she would marry and then divorce him for a huge settlement. Or she figured she would get close to him to embezzle funds from the company (despite her impulsiveness, I do believe she is smart enough to pull it off), but being with Marvin made her vicious enough to want to stick it to him where it hurts (in the double cheese burger with secret sauce) despite the huge risks in her plan.

She does get a little murdery in the end, but I figure by this time she is so annoyed with all the loser Metzes she’s had to put up and wasting years of her life smelling greasy cheeseburgers and secret sauce and wearing stupid company clothes with creepy anthropomorphic hamburgers on them are enough to put anyone over the edge.

3. The Third Silver Teaspoon goes to Looks at teleprompter, hisses at producer to come over. “Really?!?, You’ve got to be kidding me! Do I have to? Fine! But I am not happy about this!”

J Edgar’s Ghost – Nick “Ewwwwww!” Cross

What a skeezy creep.   Nicky’s M.O. is trolling Gin joints on M Street, picking up lonely women and using them for their contacts and access to classified information. Poor stereotypical clichéd librarian Agnes is no match for his slimy ways. Somehow Nicky knew to target Agnes out of all the single women working at the agency (or did he string dozens of women along and do the same thing to them? – busy guy!), he romanced her for months while drugging her and going through her files so he could blackmail Very Important People in the government, military and corporate world. She so wants to believe in him and that he loves her, he is able to convince her to give him another chance after he ran away from Lee in the bar (not suspicious at all!) and bugged her purse (just means he cares, right? BARF!).   To add insult to injury, he cuffs Agnes to a pipe, sets off a smoke bomb, leaves her to die, threatens to shoot her and then uses her as a hostage. And to top it all off yells at her when she is driving…

Nope – sorry folks I just can’t do it ! I just can’t reward the sleazoid Nick Cross yanks earpiece out of ear, storms off stage.

Sorry about that folks, we’ve had a slight miscalculation. The only reason Tricky Nicky was successful was due to plot holes the size of Wisconsin – (come on writers! You can do better!!) and Lee making mistakes that a rookie would be ashamed to admit. As an honorary G.o.L.D. (Guardian of Lee’s Dignity) associate, I object to Nicky being here. So Nick Cross is getting CROSSED off this list.  You don’t deserve a Spoonie.  Jerk!

I checked with our lawyers (well, the imaginary lawyer that lives in my head) not only can I do whatever I want in these award shows, there is precedence. She who-must-not-be-named in “Lost and Found” did not get an shout out in season one for the simple reason I hate her guts (and not in a good way) and the truly awful Sinclair in “Brunettes Are In” did not make the cut because he is so distasteful it makes the episode un-rewatchable for me. So I have decided that Nick Cross will join them in the persona non grata category.

My first attempt to rescind the Nicky’s silver spoon was labelled ‘juvenile and petty’ by my 13 year old. I will let you decide which one you prefer.

No matter which way you slice it, he ain’t getting an award so let’s move on.

The third Silver Teaspoon instead goes to

3. Welcome to America, Mr. Brand – Kenneth Clayton-Dobbs, the Seventh Earl of Tuickensham and Chairman of the International Conference on Economic Progress.

Actually, I am glad Nick Cross was so revolting, it made me carefully consider the other baddies and I realized I had overlooked this gem in this less-than-favourite episode. Let’s take a closer look at Kenneth Clayton-(no relation to Donna) Dobb’s CV (compiled by James Brand, Francine and T.P. Aquinas)

KCD was born in 1934 to a poor coal miner’s family and hated being poor and hated ‘the bloody aristocrats who exploited his family’. There are obviously some good genetics going on here because Kenneth does not look 50 to me. Maybe coal dust is good for the complexion.

Anyhow, he cheated on his entrance exams (ummm, how is this common knowledge? But whatever!) and

got into Cambridge where he hobnobbed with the upper crust, lied about his background, joined the right snooty pretentious clubs and convinced his fellow students he was an Earl.

After Cambridge, the ‘Earl’ started causing mayhem at the tender age of 22. (but I will entertain the notion that James got his decades mixed up. )

He caused turmoil in the Suez in ’56, the Congo in ’60, Rhodesia in ’65, and in Beirut in ’75 (at the age of 41) he, orchestrated the scandal that nearly destroyed the Bank of Great Britain. 1983-ish, he practiced his magic in Luxembourg and caused the default on the World Bank Loan.

But this is only a partial list of his accomplishments. Sometime before 1984 he hung a ton of paper in Beirut (I had to look that phrase up, apparently it means writing bad checks. LOL – seems kind of tame in comparison to the other trouble he’s mucked up – what his cheques to BlockBusterTM bounced? But, wait a sec – Block Buster went bankrupt. Oooooh – he is good!), was involved in extortion in Athens, phony gold certificates in Johannesburg and became a special consultant to the Secretary of the Treasury with priority clearance which allows him access to the U.S. Bureau of Printing and Engraving.

He is also besties with Charles and Di.

The guy has been BUSY! I feel like such an underachiever. Sad smile

He even has an M.O. when he wants to dispatch someone or blow things up– how cool is that? I want an M.O. (but probably not to kill people or cause explosions!) Though it does limit his targets to those who have gas stoves and full sacks of sugar, but I guess Kenneth could bring the sugar along with him.

The mystery deepens because apparently the real Earl died in a bizarre bordello accident in 1957, years after Kenneth started his impersonation. Lucky break, or either TP or James got their dates a little mixed up. But hey, it’s only numbers, it’s not like an accountant at MI6 or someone working at the Library of Congress would have to be precise with facts. But then again, maybe KCD murdered the real Earl and the bizarre bordello accident involved gas and a bag of sugar. Now THAT is an impressive attention to detail!

2. Pharaoh’s engineer – Frank Duran

Speaking of grudges, our next villain has been plotting his revenge for 20 years which means he had it in for the agency since the tender age of 18 or 19. I am not sure what the reason was, maybe he was ticked his carpet pattern wasn’t chosen for the agency hallways or maybe it was simply the challenge of destroying something that was deemed to be indestructible.

I think Frank owes a huge debt of gratitude to Kate Jackson. She directed this episode and the lighting, camera angles and suspenseful music in the opening set the tone for him snagging the award.  But what really cinched his spot for a spoonie is this shot.

I imagine if he were really mad, smoke would also come out of his ears. Yes, this is totally arbitrary and capricious, but for some this reason impressed the heck out of me and Frank now has a Spoonie.

Frank is a contradiction. He doesn’t kill Rupert, just scrambles his brains for a week or so, but has no compunction about killing Leo, or potentially killing thousands of people at the Agency and putting a serious dent in America’s intelligence community. Maybe he has a soft spot for older people (do you think back in the old days Lois and Glynis used to ply him with baked goods?) and he certainly knows that just because people are senior citizens and have retired doesn’t mean they can’t be incredibly useful .

But alas and alack, his cheapskate nature did him in. He really should have paid the extra few bucks for the unbreakable safety glass on his gas mask.

And our Number One Spoonie is:

All the World’s a Stage – Krutiov

Sorry to burst your bubble, Comrade!, but you don’t even crack the top 5 baddies this season no matter what voodoo Jedi mind tricks you are trying — and yes, I do always put my left hand in my pocket!  Maybe because Ted Glazer came before you and was more ‘hands on’ and used stupid duck props, this manipulating people from a distance is a big yawn fest in the drama department.  Though you do get points for finesse – if for some reason this had worked, Maria and the United States government would not realize she had been compromised (I assume you would have Tony ‘taken care of’ to tie up any loose ends).   And of course you get extra points for setting up the ‘rehearsal’ scene in the Q Bureau but promptly lost them for subjecting us to Tony’s absurd play (Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!).  But don’t despair, you came really close to getting a Golden Teacup Award until someone else vaulted above you several places.  So go ahead, practice your ‘precise psychological equation’ mumbo jumbo on me to get that last coveted spot.

The anticipation is growing. Who will get the coveted Golden Teacup Award for season three? Who will be crowned Top Baddie? Will the Laser Shark Awardtm be given out this year or will it be retired with the kooky Gordon Redding? (Stayed tuned to the next post coming up soon!)

1. see Ginsburg, Simona; Jablonka, Eva (2009). “Epigenetic learning in non-neural organisms”. Journal of Biosciences. 34 (4): 633–646. .)