Tag Archives: Amanda King

SMK Parenting Tips: Part two

Welcome back to SMK Parenting Tips. We’ve heard from Dotty and others, but this post will be devoted entirely to tips from Amanda.

1. Be Supermom:
Den Mother to the scouts (the First Time),94-killer-kitch.jpg
help out with the Junior Trailblazers (Odds on a Dead Pigeon),
raise funds for the Bombers (The Mole), a member of the PTA and spy-in-training.

2. Make them clean up their mess
(Volcano – Vigilante Mothers)

3. Mothers bake a lot of cakes and biscuits S2E15_baking_with_the_Colonel
for bake sales (The Mole), Mother of the Year contests (A Little Sex, a Little Scandal), breakfast for secret baddies (Lost and Found) and just because (A Relative Situation).

4. Compliment your children when you think they’ve done well.
Amanda (about Lee to the Colonel): You know, I think he would very much like to hear you say that.(A Relative Situation) .
Amanda to Jamie: Those g’s are really good. Jamie: They’re supposed to be p’s (A Lovely Little Affair)

5. When your kids have a sleepover, be there but pretend you’re not (Lost and Found)

6. The worst time to move house is the middle of the school year (Double Agent)

7. Wear whatever your children give you (even a Hot Mama t-shirt – Brunette’s Are In)

8. Tell your kids that everyone loses a game sometimes (after their lost Little League game – Service Above and Beyond )

9. Bring Royalty to see the neighbourhood children’s play (Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth)

10. Support your child through his first love (Linda Montez):
Amanda: …and don’t eavesdrop on your brother.(A Lovely Little Affair)

11. Being a mother is about thinking on your feet
The Colonel: You know, they ought to have a manual that gives you all the rules, instead of you making them up as you go along. Amanda: Awh that would be much too easy and not nearly as much fun! (A Relative Situation)
Amanda: Ah well, you know there are no rules for mothers, Mrs Woodrow. We just sort of make them up as we go along; we have to think on our feet (A Little Sex, A Little Scandal)

12. When telling your son not to hit his brother, be specific about what implements he shouldn’t use.
“Phillip, do not hit your brother in the head with trash” [sharp objects may be okay]

13. When telling your son not to call his brother names, be specific about what names he shouldn’t be called…
“Phillip, do not call your brother Bozo.” [‘Dirt bag’ or ‘Worm Breath’ may be okay ]

14. When you make the boys a promise – make sure you keep it! [e.g. don’t miss out on taking them to goofy golf because you ate Lee’s “chicken on white extra mayo”]

15. Do not enter a time warp when your son is playing Rip Van Winkle the next night in a play! (Reach for the Sky)

16. Help them if with their projects, even if it means being mistakenly considered a double agent, helping out Czechoslavakia or building transmitters (Spiderweb)

17. Allow them to explore their creativity to recreate history (including the Battle of Khartoum) (A Little Sex, a Little Scandal)
and build messy school projects (eg the exploding volcano (Vigilante Mothers).
ALSALS.avi_000994160_thumb.jpg 2.23-VIGILANTE-MOTHERS.avi_000982716.jpg
So there we have it: SMK’s guide to Parenting. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by SMK are not endorsed by Learjet!! So what do you think? Do you agree with Amanda’s style of parenting? If you have kids, do they build volcanoes? Now is the time to critique 80s parenting….

SMK Parenting Tips: Part one

Welcome to a special edition of JWWM: two posts full of advice on parenting from Amanda, Dotty and even Lee! Thanks to Iwsod, Jestress, Janeth and Valerie for your contributions to this list thumbsup

Firstly, some words of wisdom from Dotty:
1. Support your children and grandchildren in their outdoor pursuits, even when you hate camping.
Dotty (instructing the boys on putting up a tent): Tie the retaining cord firmly to eyelet “C”,attaching the end to peg “H” and driving it securely in place (Playing Possum).

2. Always defend your child from attack, even if you don’t understand her actions or agree with her.
Dotty bravely defends Amanda to Dean’s mother after she doesn’t turn up (as she has partial amnesia and has forgotten who Dean is!): But the girl is a wonder. I mean, we had this fichus once that just drooped over and quit one day. Well, Amanda would not let it die. I mean, she repotted it; she nursed it; she talked to it; she pleaded with it. Soon it was back on its feet. (I Am Not, Nor Will I Ever Be, A Spy)

3. The default explanation is that your offspring is irresistible to the opposite sexS2E2_wine__Amanda
Dotty: You see? First you meet a businessman friend, then you meet a friend that lends you a wild outfit, and then you meet a baron. You do have the touch, Amanda. Your grandmother, she met a lot of men (The Times They are a Changin’)
Dotty: I think it’s wonderful that you have a date with an Englishman (Welcome to America, Mr Brand)

4. Explain to your child that all work and no play makes you boring.

Dotty: Work, work, work. Darling, you’ve got to take some time for yourself. You need something exciting (Weekend).

5. Advise your child about their fashion choices.
Amanda dear, why don’t you invest in a nice pair of overalls for work (Welcome to America, Mr Brand)

6. Appreciate your underappreciated child.
Dotty (about IFF): Ah, well, you see? That is big business for you. Ninety words a minute, no mistakes, and they haven’t even got the decency to say thank you. But there are compensations….

7. Don’t pry into your child’s private life.
Dotty: Amanda, you know me better than that! I wouldn’t pry into your life. I mean, I have too much of my own life to worry about.

8. Find your daughter’s favourite book (the Sky Chief Rides Again) for your grandchild’s birthday – risking life and limb in the process (Fearless Dotty)

9. Spend time with your kids while you still can
Dotty: “It’s terrifying how fast they drift away. I mean, one minute you’re changing their diapers, and the next minute, they’re off in Honduras, getting tattoos.” (There Goes the Neighbourhood).
10. The mother is always right.
Dotty: Of course I’m right, I’m your mother! (Murder Between Friends)

Lee’s parenting tip:
11. If you don’t know how to parent, buy!!
Lee with the Panda and the frozen food for Alexei (The ACM Kid)
If in doubt, get a lollipop.

12. Make sure Pretzel the clown turns up for Jamie’s birthday party (use blackmail of an IRS audit if necessary)(Saved by the Bells)

SMK’s parenting tips regarding food
13. Always Eat a Good Breakfast

14. When someone is sick they want to eat something bland. Not junk!
(Playing for Keeps)

15. Be consistent with your food advice
No green beans, no dessert (Playing Possum) vs Marvellous Marvin’s (Fast Food for Thought), Pizza (A Lovely Little Affair) and hot dogs (The Wrong Way Home).

16. When shopping, let your boys ride the shopping trolley in the oh so dangerous car park – it keeps them busy while some lady says isn’t it awful about Betty Bodine getting strangled wouldn’t want the little kiddies hearing that (There Goes the Neighbourhood)

17. Make sure you are the only person who knows where the marshmallows are hidden (Odds on a Dead Pigeon).

Sometimes a mother just has to look after herself wlEmoticon-smile.png. What’s your favourite SMK parenting tip?  Was Lee on the right track? Next up: more parenting tips from Amanda….

Improvised Weapons by Jestress

This post comes from guest writer Jestress.  Jestress has been following the walk at JWWM and writing fan fiction for SMK for a couple of years.  She enjoys the quirky humor of SMK and referring to herself in the third person.  Now, she would like to discuss the unconventional weapons used in SMK and offer tips for those looking to fend off attacking enemy agents using items readily available in your own homes or public places.  Enjoy! smile Special thanks to KC for helping me with pictures and suggestions! smile

Weapons Skills

LeeGun5Weapons skills are essential to secret agents. In defense of your country, yourselves, and your fellow agents, you may be called upon to use all manner of weaponry from the most basic to the extremely complex. A gun is basic spy equipment, and every field agent needs to know how to use one. The well-trained spy should be an accurate marksman with  different types. Lee Stetson (aka Scarecrow), for example, carries a handgun at all times, often concealed in a shoulder holster under his jacket. He is also an excellent marksman with rifles and machine guns.
LeeGun3 LeeGun2

AmandaShootingSimulator Even Amanda King, in spite
of her initial reluctance, eventually learns basic marksmanship. However, even before then, she found other ways of defending herself and defeating enemy agents.  Mastery of conventional weaponry should never blind an agent to the other possibilities . . .

Improvised Weapons

“An agent has to think on his feet.”

— Billy Melrose in Ship of Spies

For a creative person with good instincts, there is no end to the possible weapons that you can improvise, ordinary objects that can be used for attack or self-defense. The world is just chock full of things that you can use to harm, disarm, or terrify others!

Even though he has professional weapons training, Scarecrow has been known to improvise a weapon or two when necessary. Besides being a good shot, he is a skilled swordsman with fencing swords, and he has proven that he is equally skilled with pool cues, pitchforks, and lawn flamingos (Remembrance of Things Past, Three Faces of Emily, Affair at Bromfield Hall, and There Goes the Neighborhood).

LeeDueling LeeDuelingFlamingo LeeDuelingPitchforks2 PoolCue

But Amanda King is definitely the Queen of Improvised Weapons, using more of them than anyone else in the Agency. Perhaps because she finds the violence of conventional weapons distasteful, Amanda has developed a knack for using whatever is close at hand in creative ways to defend herself and others.

Her improvised weapons are non-lethal, although in the right (or wrong?) hands, some of them could do considerable harm. Some of them are used mainly as forms of temporary distraction until help arrives or to disarm an enemy wielding a more conventional weapon. Others mainly function to temporarily blind or trip up the enemy, allowing Amanda or others to outmaneuver him or her. Amanda is also a master with various forms of blunt instruments, which can be used to fend off an enemy or render him or her unconscious. Whatever you need in terms of personal defense, rest assured that there is likely a solution close at hand, and Amanda King is just the person to show you!

So, without further ado, here is Amanda King’s guide to the ordinary objects that can be used against enemy agents:

Blinding Weapons

Need something to startle the enemy or blind them temporarily? No problem!

HairSprayHair Spray: Not only does it provide a firm hold, kills insects, and is a key component in many household hints, it can be used as an effective alternative of mace (There Goes the Neighborhood).
DrinkinFace Drink to the Face: Certainly much less harmful than mace, there is no need to beware of “friendly fire.” In fact, it can be useful for letting off steam at a partner who can be a little high-handed at times. Available in alcoholic and non-alcoholic varieties, excellent for use in bars, restaurants, parties, and other social situations. (The ACM Kid)


Camera: Having one with a bright flash is vital. Camera strap is optional. Remember to carry extra batteries. Minoring in photojournalism helps. (Sudden Death)


Garden Hose: Effective when used on car windshields and much cheaper than going to a car wash. Do not stand immediately in front of the moving vehicle. Wipe windows well afterward to prevent streaking. (Fearless Dotty)

Whipped Cream: Attacked while bringing home the groceries? Use that can of whipped cream to cause a distraction! Assume crash position if you’re in a moving vehicle. (You Only Die Twice)

WhippedCream1 WhippedCream2

Bed Sheet: Ordinary bed sheets are plentiful, whether in the BedSheetsuburban home, stores that sell household goods, or laundries, and are a good choice when trying to obscure someone’s vision. Also makes an easy but classical costume on Halloween. (Vigilante Mothers)
(He would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling housewives! wink  )

Hair Dryer with Sand
: Hair dryers are not inherently dangerous (unless they’re being used to smuggle guns), but in combination with fine sand, they can create a blinding cloud. Can also be used with other forms of powder. Simply add powder to opening of dryer and turn it on. A battery-operated hair dryer allows for more freedom of movement than one that plugs into a wall outlet. Be sure that it is “loaded” with batteries prior to use. Aim directly for the face of your enemy and fire when you see the whites of his eyes! (DOA: Delirious on Arrival)

HairDryer DryingCrystal

Household Hints: Hair dryers are also useful for taking the itch out bug bites and for drying crystal when you really need it dry in a hurry!

Blunt Instruments

The ever-popular generic weapon from old murder mysteries, it comes in a wide range of forms, many of which can be found in a typical suburban home. It need not be used lethally and can be effective for self-defense in many situations.  Here is a handy list of places where they can be found around the house:

In the Kitchen:


Meat Tenderizer: You may have a better hammer, but in this end of the house, the meat tenderizer is definitely the bashing weapon of choice. It is the perfect weapon when you find someone hiding in your hall closet. (Fearless Dotty)


Frying Pan: A classic weapon, also found in many cartoon shows. Cast iron is excellent, but requires a bit of strength to wield. Copper is also effective.  Used correctly, it can render a grown man unconscious. (Charity Begins at Home)


Plastic Bin or Tub: Perhaps something like a large dishpan or storage container. Because the plastic is fairly light-weight, it’s unlikely that you could use it to render someone unconscious, but it could startle or distract them. (Life of the Party)


Mop: Not restricted to the kitchen, it is definitely useful for keeping things tidy and clearing out unwanted visitors! Demonstrated by Emily. Cleaning lady outfit optional. (Three Faces of Emily)

LeeChair2 Kitchen Chair: Restaurant/bar chairs and other chairs are also acceptable options as long as they are light enough to pick up and swing. Lee demonstrates this tactic with a chair in a pool hall. Do not expect the chair to be useable afterward. (Three Faces of Emily)

In the Living Room:

Lamp Table Lamp: Available in a wide variety of styles and colors that can match any décor. Guaranteed to make burglars and would-be abductors think twice before messing with you again. (Brunettes Are In)

: The bigger, the better. Also, the cheaper, the better, because if it’s glass, china, or pottery, it’s going to break. Leaves a messy cleanup, but good for rendering someone unconscious. Could be lethal if heavy enough. (DOA: Delirious on Arrival)

Vase1 Vase2

Random Objects:

PoolBall Billiard Ball: Found in pool halls and the occasional rumpus room. An excellent choice if your aim is good. (Three Faces of Emily)

Briefcase: For the discerning business man or woman who needs to hit somebody with something. Offers the possibility of planting additional weapons or defense mechanisms inside. (Welcome to America, Mr. Brand)

Briefcase1 Briefcase2

Purse: Appears innocent and is easily portable. Use whatever style Purse2matches your outfit that day. Purses with long straps are good for swinging. For added impact, place a tiny doorknob in the bottom of the purse. (If Thoughts Could Kill and A Class Act)


Baseball Bat: Good bashing weapon. Remember to check your target before you deliver the blow! Available wherever sporting goods are sold. (Spiderweb)


Large Stick: Kind of like a baseball bat in a more natural setting. Type of wood matters less than size and sturdiness, but those interested in tree identification should consult the Junior Trailblazers Handbook. (Burn Out)


Boat Oar – The nautical version of a stick or a baseball bat. Don’t lose it if you still need it to paddle your boat! (Flight to Freedom)

Tripping Up the Enemy

Sometimes, you’re not really trying to harm anyone but maybe trip them up a little or knock a weapon out of their hands. There are many possibilities for this purpose, but here are some of Amanda’s favorites:
Net – Not found in all environments, but when available, it’s excellent for bringing down baddies and keeping them contained. Classic element of Scooby-Doo traps. (Fred would be proud! laughing And, if you can’t toss it or drop it on someone, you could always shoot it down. (Flight to Freedom and Over the Limit)

Net AmandaShootingNet Car Doors: Perfect for stopping the running baddie! Of course, to do this, you really need to be in a car, and for various reasons, you may not want to stay there. Weigh the benefits against other options. (Waiting for Godorsky and Reach for the Sky)

CarDoor CarDoor2


Hanging Meat: A little esoteric, unless you’re used to fighting people in a meat-packing company, but certainly effective. Shower well afterward. (Life of the Party)


Wooden Board: Easily found at construction sites, sometimes in sizable stacks. Comes in different lengths. (Odds on a Dead Pigeon)


Cords/Cables: Classic tripping weapons, especially when strategically-placed. Watch for when enemies are near them. (Car Wars)

ToolChest Tool Chest: Too heavy to lift but easily moveable because they tend to be mounted on wheels. Give it a good shove into the person you want to stop. (A Relative Situation)

SuitofArmor2Suit of Armor: Also a little esoteric, but still found in fancy houses, castles, and museums. It helps if the suit of armor is also armed. (Murder Between Friends)

Boxes Boxes: Especially good when in stacks that can be knocked over. Most effective when the highest box is higher than your opponent’s head. (Over the Limit)

Psychological Weapons

Want to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies without actually hurting them? If you don’t have a weapon and can’t find one, you can use some trickery and intimidation to distract them or get them to back down.


Your Own Hands: Point them like you’re holding a gun and yell “Freeze!” It will take your enemy a moment to realize that you’re actually unarmed, providing a useful distraction. (The First Time)


Piece of Pipe: The round shape of the end can feel like the barrel of a gun to a baddie who can’t see what you’re really holding. It can be used in place of a weapon in an emergency, as long as you use it behind the other person’s back. (Ship of Spies)


Blackmail Material: Often takes the form of embarrassing photographs, although there are many other possible options. Blackmail can be used to intimidate and influence your enemies or obtain information and/or money from people who would otherwise be unwilling to supply it. In a less threatening form, it can be used to convince your partner to give you the attention you deserve and a nice dinner as well. (A Little Sex, A Little Scandal, and J. Edgar’s Ghost)

Last, but not least, the number one best tool for psychological intimidation:

Toilet Brush: Tested against Francine Desmond. No actual harm done, but test subject begged, negotiated, and attempted bribery to avoid her fate. Further testing may be indicated. (Life of the Party)


Just keep your wits about you and think on your feet! Be safe out there, agents, and keep in mind that the world contains many otherwise innocent items which you can use to make the world more dangerous for everyone else. Have a nice day! wave