3/5 The Third “Annual” Golden Teacup Awards TM- Golden Teacups (part 1) by CindyDee

And, without further ado (honest, I mean it this time!)

The Third “Annual”

Golden Teacup Awards TM

(For Real!)

 

 

*Disclaimer and other legal stuff:  Scoring criteria for the Golden Teacup Awards will be held to the same rigorous standard as Olympic Russian Ice Dancing Judges and will be as clear and transparent (and make as much sense) as the plot of “We’re Off to See the Wizard.” Results have been verified by Warren Beatty and the accounting firm of Price-Waterhouse because they did such a bang up job at the Oscars this year. (Yes, I am blaming Warren and not Faye Dunaway.    ‘Wow, I think something is wrong with the ballot, instead of calling someone over for clarification, I’ll just hand it to Faye without telling her I think something is wrong.  It is not like there is any chance she will think I can’t read the print, or am being a gentleman and letting her announce the winner.  What could possibly go wrong?’  Not cool Warren, not cool!).   I am also getting feedback that some of you would spring the unholy trio of Nick Cross, Eva Spinelli and Sinclair (and probably General Zod while you are at it!) from the Phantom Zone and give them awards.  Maybe we can do a fan favourite or a March Madness bracket type awards show for your input.*

 

Again, I am your host CindyDee and I am pleased to FINALLY announce the Golden Teacup winners for Season Three.

 

The Golden Teacups had its illustrious start several (which means in I am too lazy to look up the exact date) years ago when IWSOD and the readers of Justwalkwithme realized that SMK had its own baddie short hand to identify villains.  It is too predictable and boring just to use sinister music or lighting to indicate the bad guys, the writers give us a heads up that these people are up to no good with the following clues:
The Badlydressedbad guy
TM  (BDBG)– as the show starts to take itself more seriously, we see less of the BDBG , this meme was more prevalent in season one and early season two.
If the antagonist was more cultured and refined, we got treated to the sight of the Baddie PhoneTM and/or an elaborate tea service for which the Golden Teacup Awards are named.

 

(Even though the award is called the Golden Teacup, it is not necessary for the recipient to be spotted drinking tea, but it certainly doesn’t hurt his or her chances to be caught doing so!)

 

Our Fifth place Golden Teacup award is awarded to

 

**5. Reach for the Sky – Daisy**

Daisy is a lean, mean, French braided, fighting machine and she doesn’t even have a last name.  Heck, with someone as awesome as she is, doesn’t need one!!  I love the contradiction between her name and the kick ass assassin she is. 

 

 

She is a one person HR department – problems with your underlings?  No problem — call Daisy and she will ‘dispatch’ them for you! 

 

Oh oh – looks like someone is going to get a warning for substandard performance.  I wonder if this will go on his permanent record?3.08 REACH FOR THE SKY.avi_002079079

Yep.  I doubt anyone will be hiring Zorbel anytime soon after that reprimand.

 

Don’t bother with ineffective written warnings, Daisy will show ‘your pain in the neck employee’ what that phrase truly means.

 

Daisy Dispatch is Charles Canaan’s right hand ‘man’ – she is Francine’s counterpart but more hands on, more respected and waaaaaaay better dressed than her (for all you Francine fans out there – don’t blame me;  blame the writers! And the wardrobe department!).

  

Our gal Daisy is a hyper competent assassin who is as comfortable behind a computer screen setting up a satellite link to steal a billion dollars

 

 

as she is handling a gun or engaging in hand to hand combat

 

 

*and not a hair out of place.  How does she do that?*

 

Of course I was not happy she beat the snot out of StuntLee, but it was impressive none-the-less. 

 

When Billy went rogue (coincidently in the same episode), the whole agency quickly fell apart with Francine at the helm.  I get the feeling that in a similar situation, Daisy would run the organization with a ruthless efficiency until the boss returned.

 

Alas, she was no match for Amanda’s station wagon’s door.

 

 

Don’t worry Daisy fans this is stuntDaisy.  (Still a decent French braid)  I think real Daisy is just tired and wants to take a nap

3.08 REACH FOR THE SKY.avi_002705705

 

*Still not a hair out of place!*

 

Being a One Woman Show of Awesome all the time must be exhausting!

 

Our 4th place Golden Teacup Award goes to

 

**4. Dead Men Leave No Trails Steven Sallee/ ‘Alan’**

 

Seriously, Amanda, whenever anyone introduces himself as Alan – you run for the hills, or at the very least call for backup. Because if Alan is not trouble, trouble is certainly following close by.  We had previous season one winner Alan Squires/Art Garfunkel, (the Artful Dodger)

 

*Look!  A Baddie drinking from a Teacup!*

 

who squeaked in my top 5 by decking petulant whiny cranky boy Lee and Season Three Alan ‘The Chin’ Chamberlain (A Lovely Little Affair)

 

 

who takes time out from worrying his kidnapped baby sister may be killed at any moment to hit on Amanda.   His brotherly concern is so touching *eyeroll*.

 

One of the reasons ‘Alan’/ Sallee cracks the top five because of his eyes, those intense, unblinking,  menacing eyes.   Sallee meeting Amanda for the second time

 

He is definitely not a happy camper

 

Here is a closer look.

 

 

Pretty spooky, right?  They made such an impression on Amanda (burning into her psyche and ours) that she was able to recognize him from a blurry slide while she was standing at the back of a room and she couldn’t even see his eyes properly in the photo.   Dang!  She is good!

 

 

 

**Steven Sallee Fun Fact!**

*Did you know that Steven still holds the record for longest unbeaten streak in staring contests at his elementary and junior high schools?  He was defeated once in high school (he was suffering a nasty case of pink eye at the time,) but regained the title when the winner suddenly disappeared under mysterious circumstances and didn’t show up for the rematch.*

 

Sallee was a consummate cold blooded killer who faked his death and bedazzled the lonely and slightly crazy Millicent as he plotted his triumphant comeback and revenge.  He gets serious points for having electricity as a hobby (okay, Millicent. Nothing weird about that) and being able to manufacture some light bulbs out of explosives that look close enough and functional enough to the real thing that no one notices the switch.  He also gains cred by somehow getting the reception switched *back* to the hotel he was working at.   Or maybe he was working *all* the hotels in the area, carefully juggling his shifts so he could make sure he could pull the old ‘light bulb switcheroo’.  This is a very busy and superorganized guy.

 

*Poor Millicent — not a teadrinking baddie…… Or is she?*

 

Why is Steven/Alan so low in the rankings when many of us thought he was a contender for top spot?  He lost some serious BadBoy cred in my books by coming undone in the end and for some bizarre reason decides to kill everyone who has ever seen him so as not to draw attention to himself.  Because nothing allows you to fly under the radar like a trail of dead bodies, especially *after* your victims had already talked to the person tracking you. (Unfortunately, I do believe Millicent was doomed the moment he answered her ‘room for rent’ ad, but why was the sandwich guy killed?)  He further slipped in the rankings by running into the room he forgot he had rigged up to explode — and why did he set the timer to go off so soon after the reception started?  You know those things always run late!  These really bad, unforgivable rookie mistakes cost Sallee the top spot.

 

GAH!  I am really itching to rewrite the ending.  Sallee showed such promise and totally fizzled in the end.  Here are a few alternatives:  Sallee takes Van Cleef hostage instead of Francine, tries to escape through rear doors but they are blocked by the cart of lobster tails (the coincidences are already so unbelievable in this episode, might as well add a few more!).  Francine sees the lights flicker, jumps in and rescues Van Kleef , pushing him under a table and they and they leave the ballroom still bickering about melting ice sculptures and ruined petit fours (hey, while I am re-writing the ending, I might as well redeem Francine too). 

 

Second alternate ending.  It turns out Millicent is really a crazy serial killer with a fear of abandonment after she found out her cheating, no good husband was going to leave her.  (Thanks Nancy and Michelle’s sister for this idea!) She poisons him and sticks the body in her giant food freezer and proceeded to do the same with several of her male borders when she sensed they were getting ready to move as her mothering turned to smothering.   She is already slowing poisoning Sallee which is why he is in a mental fog and ran into the room he just rigged with explosives.   

 

Anyway, moving right along,

 

Our third place Golden Teacup goes to

**3. Utopia Now – Peter Sacker.**  

 

 

Oooh – I have a love-hate relationship with Peter.  If he and his flunkies had waited one millisecond longer, we would have a confirmed lip lock.  But then again, do we really want our first non-cover kiss to be in a damp smelly swamp?

 

*Photo of “just two people trying to stay warm.”  With their lips. Because having hypothermia on the lips can be life threatening.*

 

But at least with Amanda’s firm throwing down the gauntlet (“Not Exactly”) in the tag, I predict it won’t be long before Lee “Man of Action” decides to kiss her for real.  I give it three episodes, tops (Insert huge eyeroll here).

 

Why did Sacker posthumously vault to 3rd place?  Ahh, this is where life imitates art.  Remember Sacker’s statement-   “Oh boy, where were you four years ago when I was running for office?… If I’d had three more like you in my camp I’d probably be running this whole country by now…” 

This proved what a nut job he was.  Oh how we laughed, and laughed and laughed.  Real tears were rolling down my cheeks.  It was totally unbelievable that in four years an outrageous person, with a rabid following and no political experience could, with just a few more people on his campaign and expert media manipulation, become President.  Right……. as if that could ever happen – no way someone not well connected in either major party could win the party nomination and then top spot. 

 

SIGH.  I guess the last laugh is Sacker’s.

 

So, taking all of his crackpot statements about being President out of the equation, his plan was pretty solid. Target the powerlines (which would have been a relatively benign act of terror that most of your followers would have okay with) then go after your real target.  What was he hoping to gain by killing the president?  I don’t think he thought that part out completely, but it’s okay – the most important thing is to get noticed!

 

 

 

*Hey Krutiov!  This is the guy that bumped you out of Golden Teacup contention.  Too bad he done did blow himself up real good so you can’t practice your hypno psychological mumbo jumbo magic on him.*

 

 

And to remind people another reason Sacker ranked so highly — here is the lovely gif IWSOD made about two people just trying to get warm.

 

Our Runner up for Best of the Baddies for Season Three and will take top spot if for any reason the winner gets disqualified is

 

**2. The Triumvirate – Jeppard – aka King Cobra**

 

Jeppard is an assassin for hire who loves killing and is happy to make a profit doing it. (to echo Lee – ‘it’s a job I happen to do well’ but with Jeppard, this is the part  he enjoys very much.)   You have to admit he is creative with his hits — Omar Kalim takes a dive off the Eiffel Tower and Krakower gets crushed by dozens of beer kegs.  (And Lee, as a side note, Krakower being run over by a truck (even though he wasn’t run over by a truck) is not ironic – unless that his M.O was running over people with a truck.  If he were crushed to death by American beer kegs on a way to an AA meeting — that would be ironic, or if he had pretended he was a brew master while undercover – that would be ironic or at the very least, poetic justice.)

 

The skill and knowledge Jeppard has to make the beer kegs guided flying projectiles of death is impressive indeed.  I think it is safe to say he did very well in his high school physics class.  I think ‘death by flying beer keg’ may supplant ‘death by ice cream truck’ as my favourite murder weapon.

 

Did you notice his file number is 666? 

Nothing obvious at all about this, nothing obvious at all, but it does set up Lee’s ‘deal with the devil’ statement at the end very nicely. 

 

I admire Jeppard’s pragmatism and bluntness.  When the ‘good guys’ (Lance and Amanda) are targeted Jeppard calls the triumvirate foursome on their hypocrisy and forces them to get their hands dirty as well. 

 

 

Though threatening Karl’s grandson was pretty low.

 

He is seriously a very dangerous and scary dude.

 

But what really cements Jeppard’s Golden Teacup win and high ranking is when he is laying in the hospital bed, missing a lung, and several arteries and is not expected to live through the night.  Does he panic? No siree! He’s been in worse fixes! 

 

I almost believe him.  He just wants his 100 000 that was owed to him (not a penny more or a penny less) and with a smirk he’ll be on his way. 

Maybe Jeppard knows he is dying and won’t make it, but he is going to the grave preserving the rights of assassins everywhere to get paid for their work.

What do you think?  Will Jeppard live to see another day?  Will he somehow slip out of the hospital and resume his career?  Somehow, I think he did.

 

And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for…..

The Number One Season Three Baddie is…..

(checks ear piece)…
Oops!  Looks like we have run out of time (blame the Nick Cross fiasco!) and will have continue this at the next post. 

 

Are you worried favourite baddie did not make the cut? Who do you think is in the number one spot? Don’t despair, the Numero Uno Season Three Baddie will be revealed, and the coveted “Laser Shark Award” are still to come.

 

 

20 responses to “3/5 The Third “Annual” Golden Teacup Awards TM- Golden Teacups (part 1) by CindyDee

  1. Daisy Dispatch..you’re killing me. That was so funny. I loved Daisy, mostly because she was a good female villain. She knew how to handle her business. I also love the fact that it took a real woman (Amanda) to take her out.

    Between the whole Peter Sacker/President comment and your comments Cindy it’s just weird considering what we’re dealing with now.

    Ren Jeppard was truly something else. That fact that he threatened the grandson was too much. He was seriously committed to his villainy. His only redeeming quality was in how he seemed to bring Lee and Amanda closer. They seemed to develop a deeper connection in this episode.

    Like

  2. Well, you absolutely made my day Cindy! Absolutely love your commentary, especially about Peter Sacker although I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. :/ I’m behind and trying to catch up but am taking my time so I can savor all the delightful gems you are giving us!

    Like

  3. Daisy is a kick-ass baddie!! No surprises as to why she got to get rid of Zorbel. He didn’t even merit a Silver Teaspoon! I wonder if Daisy would have succeeded where Charles Canaan did not.

    Oh my gosh! So glad I did not have any food in my mouth while reading the Sallee Fun Fact!! You are hysterical, Cindy Dee! Have you ever tried stand-up???

    Ahhh, Peter Sacker…love this baddie. This actor does a fantastic job of playing and looking like the clue-less creep.

    Jeppard is a serious baddie…he deserves a top spot. #1 has got to be Gregory! Guess I’ll have to stay tuned.

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  4. my guess is Gregory. He is sauve, he is really bad, he is a survivor and he is a tea drinker. But Pamela Jentry was really evil. All the same, I think it is Gregory

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  5. Hi Cindy! Hi Everyone!
    Ahhhh so the golden teacups have arrived- awesome!!

    rofl now I see what you mean about Warren and Faye – lol!!! Lol I don’t blame them for what happened at all..I’ll just say: I see those events as a case study in how the brain deals with information it doesn’t expect!

    rofl. Love your summary of how to spot an smk baddie!

    Love that Daisy made the golden teacups..

    Daisy is a lean, mean, French braided, fighting machine

    This is hilarious!!!!

    I love the irony of her name too!
    I certainly don’t cry over the loss of zorbel!
    ‘Daisy Dispatch’ = genius!!!

    3 Alans.. and all bad news! Sallee had to be in here somewhere didn’t he! That stare!!!! but you are right.. the ending of that ep really let the character down. Didn’t live up to all the promise!
    I don’t know how I missed those red pupils! whooooo! rofl!

    So sorry, I can’t get on board with Millicent being ‘crazy’.. I think the ep was going for kooky, vulnerable and lonely.. but I won’t repeat comments I shared a few days ago [in 5/19 Dead men leave no trails]. Had Millicent survived and been unharmed maybe I’d be laughing my head off.
    I’d like an ending with Francine and Van Kleef.. and some lobster tails thrown in haaaaa.. why not! 🙂

    Peter Sacker is an inspired choice! haaaaa loved your commentary – yes who would vote for him?! oh boy!
    We could argue Sacker is who we have to thank for Lee and Amanda getting that close, no? haaaaaa…
    But yes, interrupting the potential sexy times is evil! Surely that qualifies a baddie for automatic entry into the awards?
    And I certainly don’t shed a tear over this guy’s death – and can laugh happily at the image of him blowing himself up! He really blew it haaaa! 😉

    Awh! that’s an inspired choice of gif to include!

    Whooooo Jeppard is #2! I thought he was in the running for the top prize for sure! very close!!
    Especially because he got paid, and he got away with it! his honest unapologetic badness while calling out hypocrisy had a certain charm! 🙂
    Bad luck Jeppard- you were so close! Oh and.. he shot Francine too!!!

    Maybe Jeppard knows he is dying and won’t make it, but he is going to the grave preserving the rights of assassins everywhere to get paid for their work.

    Hilarious!!!!! haaaaa!!!

    What do you think?  Will Jeppard live to see another day?  Will he somehow slip out of the hospital and resume his career?  Somehow, I think he did.

    Yeah! I think he lived to kill another day! umm.. I just hope someone nabs him if he did!

    Whooooo guesses.. okay you got it Cindy!
    I think the golden teacup winner is really tough!
    A real toss up.. as there are a few yet to be mentioned who are fabulous – but for different reasons!
    Serdeyich in We’re off to see the wizard is awesome.. cunning, has been working away at his badness for years, and manages to almost best two of the agency’s best men.. Paul and Lee.. not bad for a tin man!

    then, we have Gregory – whooooo the main baddie in two episodes? Can a baddie top that?? he is persistent! and.. he sells real estate 😉 and I kinda like him because he is hte first baddie to have a professional grudge against Amanda haaaaaa..
    [yes! she’s made it!]

    Prescott? well he takes Jamie and Phillip hostage? how evil is that?! and he does a mean terminator impression.. but he was rather dull..

    Pam Jentry was truly awful – the way she used starving people to make money, and left them worse off was truly disgusting.

    what about Walter o’keefe in Over the Limit? he blows up a senator or congressman or someone.. and frames the lovely innocent Elizabeth Sullivan? then tries to blow up Lee’s car too.. and what for? more fish?!

    I think it’s going to be really tough – don’t envy you for having to pick Cindy! but I’m sure I’ll love your choice and your reasoning 🙂

    Thanks for the fabulous post Cindy – I cannot wait to find out who wins the award!!!!

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    • Oh no. sorry I didn’ t guess one.. I just kinda blurted out my thoughts on a short list. Bad iwsod!! I’m going to guess Serdeyich! He has no heart 😉

      Like

  6. I have my fingers crossed for my favorite baddie. Time will tell.
    But seriously, what is it with the potpourri of Alans? Did this guy accidentally attract them?

    because if so, Amanda should get that cute exterminator from “ALS,ALS” to come back and do something about that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL love it!
      BJo or Learjet has fixed this code for ya.. I was in the middle of doing it.. but I can see you are all sorted so all is well 🙂 thanks mystery mod!

      [edited to add:Thanks Learjet!]

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  7. I see Daisy Dispatch’s hair and keep thinking ‘Aqua Net.’ Must be what keeps it so perfect. I used that back in grade school, but not since. You need one person to spray, so you have both hands free to cover your face, Otherwise, you won’t be able to blink for a month. Hmm… I wonder if that’s what happened to Sallee?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh My Heck Sara – That is funny! We also used Iced Mist by Joico and it would fix our hair into an unmovable helmet. And then we would use a special ‘de-icer’ every few months to remove all the build up. Come to think of it, Sallee’s hair looks pretty unmovable too. I think your aqua-net explanation has merit.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Haha! Love it! I’ll be back to comment more, but just had to say this is absolutely brilliant!

    Like

  9. Cindy, this is so brilliant. I am reading this on a Monday morning at work and I am laughing. I love your choice of baddies. Daisy is truly scarey and competent. I don’t think that I have ever seen Lee more helpless in a fight. Sallee is a very worthy contender as well . I agree that he was doing very well until his blind panic attack. I think that was the ‘Amanda Effect’. Love the shout out to my sister! Millicent the crazy cellar murderer would have been a good twist! I also have often ruminated on the Alans in SMK. A name she definitely should avoid. Jeppard is a worthy runner up. A baddie who loves his craft. There is nothing of the whinger about Jeppard. He is the true professional. The suspense is killing me though. WHo is the winner? Is there a book on this?

    Liked by 2 people

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